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Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? v.5

Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? v. 5
There is an increasing trend of youth moving to metropolises from rural areas for studying and working. While this trend appears reasonable due to benefits like better education and higher salaries, it also presents some drawbacks such as worse environment in large cities and loss of contact with family and friends. This essay will argue why the advantages of education or work in cities far outweighs its flaws. To begin with, it is true that metropolises have always been more polluted compared to villages and small towns. This is because of concomitant overpopulation and a bigger number of motor vehicles. Thus, a rural dweller might suffer from adverse health problems related to worse environment. Additionally, these issues could be exacerbated by the feeling of loneliness and depression, which usually derives from loss of communication with family or friends. Altogether, these reasons make the idea of moving to metropolis less attractive. However, these shortcomings may lose its relevance in light of greater profits, like better education and well-paying job. Cities usually equips the workforce with high-qualified, well-informed and competent professionals, who are likely to occupy a high post, and thus, have a good income. For instance, graduate with a degree in prestigious university is more likely to be accepted for a post, which he would have been probably denied, if he had studied in rural college. Furthermore, nowadays some cities strive to decrease its pollution rate and support newcomers, therefore, students could adjust to a new environment with lesser risks to their health. To conclude, the trend of moving to metropolises for education or work among young people is evident. Although this creates some risks related to their health, nowadays these risks could be minimized, making the advantages such as better education and high-paying jobs entirely justified.
There is an increasing trend of youth moving to metropolises from rural areas for studying and working. While this trend appears reasonable due to benefits like better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and higher salaries, it
also
presents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks such as worse environment in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
and loss of contact with family and friends. This essay will argue why the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
far outweighs its flaws.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is true that metropolises have always been more polluted compared to villages and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of concomitant overpopulation and a bigger number of motor vehicles.
Thus
, a rural dweller might suffer from adverse health problems related to worse environment.
Additionally
, these issues could
be exacerbated
by the feeling of loneliness and depression, which
usually
derives from loss of communication with family or friends. Altogether, these reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of moving to metropolis less attractive.

However
, these shortcomings may lose its relevance in light of greater profits, like better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and well-paying job.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cities
usually
equips the workforce with high-qualified, well-informed and competent professionals, who are likely to occupy a high post, and
thus
, have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
income.
For instance
, graduate with a degree in prestigious university is more likely to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
for a post, which he would have been
probably
denied, if he had studied in rural college.
Furthermore
, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
strive to decrease its pollution rate and support newcomers,
therefore
, students could adjust to a new environment with lesser
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
to their health.

To conclude
, the trend of moving to metropolises for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or work among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
evident. Although this creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
related to their health, nowadays these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
could
be minimized
, making the advantages such as better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and high-paying jobs
entirely
justified.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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