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MAny working peopleget little or no exercise during the work day, and have health problems as a result

One popular perspective is that the working people can not spend their leisure time on weekdays for doing excercises, resulting in detrimental health effects. This essay will outline the reasons and suggest some remedial actions, while citing suitable examples. Firstly, a main issue responsible for an individual's health is work environment. This is owing to some of the factors such as excessive work, deadlines, and work during overtime. Consequently, after reaching home, they become so much tired and can not spend time for their goodselves. To overcome this situation, overtimes should be forbidden by companies as well as the gym at the office premises ought to be made available. In addition, flexible working hours or work from home could be encouraged by employers. For instance, during the recent pandemic, many employess in India have worked from home and the health results of an individual were noticed outstanding. Secondly, another major issue with is that people have to perform family responsibilities once they reach home such as care for their old-age parents and spending quality time with their children to name but a few. As a result, they can not spend daily time for making their life healthier. However, to live happily and healthier, shared responsibilities between couples could resolve the problem. In addition, private gyms should be kept open until late evenings or nights so that working individuals could go as per their convinience. For example, Oxygen gym in Kuwait remains open till mid-night in order to give benefits to the local working people. People have noticed multiple health benefits while excercising as per their conviniencies. In conclusion, it is clear that sparing time for health is really difficult for working professionals and is therefore a multi-factored problem. With that said, work deadlines or overtimes and family responsibilities are some of the key issues which needs to be dealt on war footing.
One popular perspective is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can not spend their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on weekdays

for doing
Possible spelling mistake found.
excercises
, resulting in detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
effects. This essay will outline the reasons

and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remedial actions, while citing suitable examples.

Firstly
, a main issue responsible for an individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment. This is owing to

If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
factors such as excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, deadlines, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during overtime.
Consequently
, after

reaching home, they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much tired and can not spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
goodselves
. To overcome this

situation, overtimes should
be forbidden
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
as well
as the gym at the office premises

ought to
be made
available.
In addition
, flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home could
be encouraged
by

employers.
For instance
, during the recent pandemic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
employess
in India have worked from home and the

health results of an individual
were noticed
outstanding.

Secondly
, another major issue with is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
perform family responsibilities once they

reach home such as care for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-age parents and spending quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their children to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few.

As a result
, they can not spend daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for making their life healthier.
However
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
happily


and healthier, shared responsibilities between couples could resolve the problem.
In addition
, private gyms should

be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
open until late evenings or nights
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
individuals could go as per their
Possible spelling mistake found.
convinience
.
For example
,

Oxygen gym in Kuwait remains open till mid-night in order to give benefits to the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People


have noticed multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
benefits while
Possible spelling mistake found.
excercising
as per their
Possible spelling mistake found.
conviniencies
.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that sparing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
really
difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
professionals and is

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
therefore
a multi-factored problem. With that said,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
deadlines or overtimes and family responsibilities are

If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
key issues which needs to
be dealt
on war footing.
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IELTS essay MAny working peopleget little or no exercise during the work day, and have health problems as a result

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
312 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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