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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? m1Wen
Work always has been one of the key factors of life satisfaction and also it is essential for creating people’s social position. Recently, overworking has been common and because of this fact people have a little time for their own. This essay will discuss about different aspects of this phenomenon. From social standpoint, working long hours would lead people to earn more money as well as it could be a cause of promotion. People tend to increase their income to afford a decent life for themselves and their families. Nova days living expenses are increasing and sometimes people have to work harder to support their families. On the other hand, some people believe they could get promoted by working long hours. They want to get more experiences and also show their abilities to their managers. Thus, overworking not only could lead some people to earn more money but also could be cause of promotion. While there are several advantages in working long hours, there are some disadvantages too. Overworking could be harmful for both health and relationships. Working without rest could be a cause of some serious mental or physical problems. For instance, setting long hours behind a desk could damage people’s skeleton. Additionally, people may lose their relationships over working without rest. As a tangible example, a scientific research undertaken by a prestigious university has asserted that the number of people who lost their families due to overworking has increased by 65% since 1990. To summarize, working long hours could be a cause of some major illnesses and loosing relationships as well. To conclude, while working is one of the important aspects of life, people should make a balance between their work life and private life in order to prevent it to become a cause of a damage in their health or relationships.
Work always has been one of the key factors of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
satisfaction and
also
it is essential for creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
social position. Recently, overworking has been common and
because of this
fact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
time for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. This essay will discuss about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of this phenomenon.

From social standpoint,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
would lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to earn more money
as well
as it could be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of promotion.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to increase their income to afford a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for themselves and their families. Nova days living expenses are increasing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work harder to support their families.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promoted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. They want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more experiences and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their abilities to their managers.
Thus
, overworking not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
could lead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to earn more money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
could be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of promotion.

While there are several advantages in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages too. Overworking could be harmful for both health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
without rest could be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious mental or physical problems.
For instance
, setting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
behind a desk could damage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
skeleton.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
without rest. As a tangible example, a scientific research undertaken by a prestigious university has asserted that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who lost their families due to overworking has increased by 65% since 1990.
To summarize
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
could be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major illnesses and loosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
as well
.

To conclude
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a balance between their work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
it to become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "damage".
a damage
in their health or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
.
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IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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