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In some countries, there are fewer young people who listen to or play classical music these days. Why is this? Should young people be encouraged to play or perform classical music?

In some countries, there are fewer young people who listen to or play classical music these days. Why is this? Should young people be encouraged to play or perform classical music? 6xNGK
The current dilemma tic phenomenon is that, there were less people who are under the 18 years age, they were playing classical music and as well as they listening to the traditional music in some nations. Owing to the fact that they were preserving their traditional or classical music. However, after decades, they encouraged the teenagers to play or performing on the traditional sounds, would lead further. Firstly, talking like a wise man, in these modern technology, teenagers are mostly spending time on their mobile phones and as well as on their respective life. Although, some under-18 people are listening or playing the classical music because having a sharp interest in traditional sounds like classical music. Clearing the appearance with a survey conducted by the university of California in 2019 showed that 50% of young people are performing or listening to the classical music. This fact may delineate that they simply following their passion related to these field. Moreover, I agree with the second assertion. People who are under the age of 18, they should give the time or gaining those values of classical music to their life. It has beneficial also having the traditional or classical sounds and also effervescent or so excited while performing on classical music or either listening to those music. Elaborating the narrated content with a peer reviewed article in a musical magazine showed that majority of young people are so excited when they listen to those music. Therefore, young people also take the interest in classical music. In my opinion, modern type of music is more relevant for the young generation rather than the classical music. Because of the fact that everyone has a different passion and the harshness of playing that.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
dilemma tic phenomenon is that, there were
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are under the 18 years age, they were playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
as well
as
Did you mean "they're listening", "they are listening", or "they were listening"?
they listening
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations. Owing to the fact that they were preserving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
However
, after decades, they encouraged the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to play or performing on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
sounds, would lead
further
.

Firstly
, talking like a wise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, in these modern technology,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
mostly
spending time on their mobile phones and
as well
as on their respective life. Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
under-18
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are listening or playing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
having a sharp interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
sounds like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Clearing the appearance with a survey conducted by the
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
university of California
in 2019
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are performing or listening to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. This fact may delineate that they
simply
following their passion related to these field.

Moreover
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second assertion.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who are under the age of 18, they should give the time or gaining those values of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
to their life. It has beneficial
also
having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
sounds and
also
effervescent or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
excited while performing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
or either listening to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
. Elaborating the narrated content with a peer reviewed article in a musical magazine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
excited when they listen to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
take the interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
music.

In my opinion, modern type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is more relevant for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
Because of the fact that
everyone has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
passion and the harshness of playing that.
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IELTS essay In some countries, there are fewer young people who listen to or play classical music these days. Why is this? Should young people be encouraged to play or perform classical music?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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