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many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day

many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day BMLjp
Nowadays, the ratio of workers who suffer from different health-related issues is increasing faster than ever, and the general health of working-class people is deteriorating. Such disasters have stemmed from work pressure, lack of physical exercise and dependency on machines to do human's work. Exercises, outdoor activities and encouragement by the employer and the government to do workout and finally, a balanced diet is a solution to this problem. One of the primary reasons for working people not to do enough or any exercise is the abysmal working condition where working life is extremely competitive and full of anxiety. Employers have constant deadlines, tough targets, and to achieve them, workers have to work for long hours each day which drain their stamina. As a consequence, workers do not want to do any exercise even when they are at home. In addition, dependency on technology has fueled up the condition. Due to technological advancements, people have exchanged the available time for exercise with browsing the internet, watching television and checking their accounts on social media websites. They also prefer to drive than to walk, use washing machines than to clean their clothes manually and use machines to do most of their works, which in turn, has negative impacts on their life and health. Physical exercise is a must to remain fit and those workers have to stop leading a sedentary lifestyle and start moving. The government can facilitate outdoor activities so that people get out and take part in those activities after office hours. Employers have to realise that healthy employees mean better productivity and should arrange exercise facilities at the office premises. They can do so by encouraging their employees to do some exercise at a certain time of the day during office hours. Finally, the workers have to follow a balanced diet to achieve a better result and the office can help them with that also. In conclusion, exercise is vital to our health, productivity and life. In consequence, workers, authorities, employers, and individuals, should collaborate to make everyone's lifestyle healthier by adding more time for exercise and help follow a balanced diet.
Nowadays, the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
health-related issues is increasing faster than ever, and the general health of working-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is deteriorating. Such disasters have stemmed from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure, lack of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and dependency on machines to do human's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Exercises
, outdoor activities and encouragement by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to do workout and
finally
, a balanced diet is a solution to this problem.

One of the primary reasons for working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is the abysmal working condition where working life is
extremely
competitive and full of anxiety.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employers
have constant deadlines, tough targets, and to achieve them,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for long hours each day which drain their stamina. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
do not want to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
even when they are at home.
In addition
, dependency on technology has fueled up the condition. Due to technological advancements,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have exchanged the available time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
with browsing the internet, watching television and checking their accounts on social media websites. They
also
prefer to drive than to walk,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
washing machines than to clean their clothes
manually
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
machines to do most of their works, which in turn, has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on their life and health.

Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is a
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
remain fit and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
leading a sedentary lifestyle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
moving. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can facilitate outdoor activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in those activities after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
hours.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Employers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that healthy employees mean better productivity and should arrange
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
facilities at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
premises. They can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by encouraging their employees to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
at a certain time of the day during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
hours.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow a balanced diet to achieve a better result and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with that
also
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is vital to our health, productivity and life. In consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
, authorities,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
, and individuals, should collaborate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
everyone's lifestyle healthier by adding more time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
follow a balanced diet.

IELTS essay many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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