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Many universities and colleges these days offer distance learning programs instead of face-to-face courses. Do you think the advantages of this new approach outweigh the disadvantages?

Many universities and colleges these days offer distance learning programs instead of face-to-face courses. Do you think the advantages of this new approach outweigh the disadvantages? pb3Gm
It is undeniable that distance learning mode is very useful, especially for those who are living in remote areas, for those who are physically challenged and for those who want to do a job while studying. However there are multifarious advantages as well as disadvantages of this mode of learning which will be discussed in upcoming paragraphs. Firstly, the most significant benefit of distance learning is that it is economical friendly education system. To elaborate it, there are not any extra charges such as travel costs, rent and subsistence. Hence, learner could use this money in other fields, where they need it. Secondly, it is time saving process. To explain it, when one takes a course from regular university, he has to go there every day to attend the class and sometime they wait for a long time to attend lectures and seminars, while in case of correspondence study they save such time and utilise it in productive way. Thus, it is fruitful for those who want extra income and who do not able to travel. On the flip side, there are some disadvantages of recieving education from home. First and foremost is that youngsters get isolated and deprived by some essential skills which play a vital role in their future. By this mean, they do not interact with teachers and peers due to which they become introverted and feel hesitation while communicating with others. Moreover they will not familiar with cooperation, teamwork and presentation skills, which are much more important for their bright future. Another drawback of such courses is that sometime college and universities are not affiliated and fake, so by doing these courses Students put their future in wrong hands and could destroy their career. To conclude, no doubt distance learning is cost effective and time saving system of study, however demerits of this trend could not be neglected since it has drastic effect of Students future if there is any stigma on University. Hence, I believe if both face to face and corresponding study get joined then it has more fruitful results for scholars.
It is undeniable that distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
mode is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful,
especially
for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are living in remote areas, for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
physically
challenged and for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want to do a job while studying.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
there are multifarious advantages
as well
as disadvantages of this mode of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
which will
be discussed
in upcoming paragraphs.
Firstly
, the most significant benefit of distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is that it is economical friendly education system. To elaborate it, there are not any extra charges such as travel costs, rent and subsistence.
Hence
, learner could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this money in other fields, where they need it.
Secondly
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
saving process. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it, when one takes a course from regular university, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
go there every day to attend the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and sometime they wait for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to attend lectures and seminars, while in case of correspondence study they save such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
it in productive way.
Thus
, it is fruitful for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
want extra income and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
do not able to travel. On the flip side, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of
Possible spelling mistake found.
recieving
education from home.
First
and foremost is that youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
isolated and deprived by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which play a vital role in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. By this mean, they do not interact with teachers and peers due to which they become introverted and feel hesitation while communicating with others.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
they
The word 'familiar' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
will not familiar
with cooperation, teamwork and presentation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, which are much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for their bright
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. Another drawback of such courses is that sometime college and universities are not affiliated and fake,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by doing these courses Students put their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
hands and could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their career.

To conclude
, no doubt distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is cost
effective and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
saving system of study,
however
demerits of this trend could not
be neglected
since it has drastic effect of Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
if there is any stigma on University.
Hence
, I believe if both face to face and corresponding study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
then it has more fruitful results for scholars.
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IELTS essay Many universities and colleges these days offer distance learning programs instead of face-to-face courses. Do you think the advantages of this new approach outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
348 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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