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Many things which were done in the home by hand in the past are now done by machines

Many things which were done in the home by hand in the past are now done by machines D2AQo
Stepping into the 19th century, people started using machines in their life and this trend tends to grow more and more. Nowadays, a plethora of housework can be done much faster and easier than those in the past with the modernization of machines. This phenomenon contains both pros and cons, yet, from my point of view, i believe that improving doing household chores by machines brings people a lot of benefits. Although there is no doubt that the mechanization in housework exalts the productivity of doing household chores, it clearly has some drawbacks. The machine operation requires energy, which mostly comes from burning up non-renewable resources such as fossil fuels. This leads to a large production of CO2 and other greenhouse gases, which causes the greenhouse effect, ozone layer tearing, and also air pollution. Furthermore, due to the versatility and low price of plastic, it is used in many machines, while every machine is designed to be able to be used for a period of time and be thrown away after that. By this way, a large amount of plastic is discharged into the environment, exists for over 10 centuries until decomposes and negatively affects the ecosystem. On the other hand, it is undeniable that thanks to machines, people have abilities to do everything faster and more effectively than ever in the past. As all machines have to be checked carefully before coming onto the market and with synchronization in working, they have better work qualities than people who do by hand. For instance, people often need 5 to 10 minutes to wash dishes and they only can handle one thing, whereas by using the dishwasher, they can do other things such as reading books, playing video games, or anything they would like to do. Moreover, machines may help people not to touch toxic liquids such as washing gel, cleaning liquid, bleach, washing powder so that they can prevent from catching health problems like skin diseases. In addition, electronic gadgets make doing housework possible for everyone includes old people, who often find it difficult to do things by hand owing to their age. Besides, this development in doing things by machine not only gives people more time to spend on themselves instead of doing work they do not want to day after day, but also helps them in this busy life, especially women, who have been thought to have responsibilities to handle household chores, now have opportunities to become economically independent and enjoy the life more. To sum up with my opinion, even though using machines in doing housework has disadvantages, its bright points are still outstanding with several remarkable reasons I have mentioned below.
Stepping into the 19th century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
in their life and this trend tends to grow more and more. Nowadays, a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
housework
can
be done
much faster and easier than those in the past with the modernization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
. This phenomenon contains both pros and cons,
yet
, from my point of view,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
household chores by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits.

Although there is no doubt that the mechanization in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
housework
exalts the productivity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
household chores, it
clearly
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
operation requires energy, which
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from burning up non-renewable resources such as fossil fuels. This leads to a large production of CO2 and other greenhouse gases, which causes the greenhouse effect, ozone layer tearing, and
also
air pollution.
Furthermore
, due to the versatility and low price of plastic, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
, while every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
is designed
to be able to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for a period of time and
be thrown
away after that. By this way, a large amount of plastic
is discharged
into the environment, exists for over 10 centuries until decomposes and
negatively
affects the ecosystem.

On the other hand
, it is undeniable that thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have abilities to do everything faster and more
effectively
than ever in the past. As all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming onto the market and with synchronization in working, they have better work qualities than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do by hand.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
need 5 to 10 minutes to wash
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dishes and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can handle one thing, whereas by using the dishwasher, they can do other things such as reading books, playing video games, or anything they would like to do.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not to touch toxic liquids such as washing gel, cleaning liquid, bleach, washing powder
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
from catching health problems like skin diseases.
In addition
, electronic gadgets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
housework
possible for everyone includes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
find it difficult to do things by hand owing to their age.
Besides
, this development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
things by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more time to spend on themselves
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
work they do not want to day after day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in this busy life,
especially
women, who have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to have responsibilities to handle household chores,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have opportunities to become
economically
independent and enjoy the life more.

To sum up with my opinion,
even though
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
housework
has disadvantages, its bright points are
still
outstanding with several remarkable reasons I have mentioned below.
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IELTS essay Many things which were done in the home by hand in the past are now done by machines

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
445 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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