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Many support the view that children who receive a weekly allowance can handle money better when they are mature.

Many support the view that children who receive a weekly allowance can handle money better when they are mature. XVm1r
Many support the view that children who receive a weekly allowance can handle money better when they are mature. To some extent I agree with the opinion that this would make children more capable and skilled in money management from early age but would possess some risks that cannot be ignored. To begin with, one of the main advantages of this practice is the achievement of the knowledge about money management in childhood. Moreover, it is believed that this is developmental period of life. Therefore parents should teach their children how to use money with savings by properly allocating it for basic needs. This is because when they become adult they would not find it difficult to utilize their income which is earned in the form of salary or wages. On the other hand in the early age children are curiosity and fun-loving in nature who are not physically and mentally matured yet to make decisions about money. As smoking and alcoholic beverages consumption is widespread among adults and grown-ups and adverts of these stuffs are constantly circulating on TV and billboards creates the basis for spending money on such purposes. To cite an example, this lead to open the doors of criminal world or even become a victim of evil minded people whose aim is to make money by cheating and harming the vulnerable children. In conclusion, I believe that though pocket money given by parents to children has some positive sides, its negative aspects should not be overlooked, albeit small.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
support the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who receive a weekly allowance can handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
better when they are mature. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more capable and skilled in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management from early age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
would possess
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the main advantages of this practice is the achievement of the knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management in childhood.
Moreover
, it
is believed
that this is developmental period of life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
parents should teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
with savings by
properly
allocating it for basic needs. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they become adult they would not find it difficult to utilize their income which
is earned
in the form of salary or wages.

On the other hand
in the early age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are curiosity and fun-loving in nature who are not
physically
and mentally matured
yet
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. As smoking and alcoholic
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "beverages'" or "beverage's"?
beverages
consumption is widespread among adults and grown-ups and adverts of these stuffs are
constantly
circulating on TV and billboards creates the basis for spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on such purposes. To cite an example, this lead to open the doors of criminal world or even become a victim of evil minded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whose aim is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by cheating and harming the vulnerable children.

In conclusion
, I believe that though pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides, its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects should not
be overlooked
, albeit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
.
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IELTS essay Many support the view that children who receive a weekly allowance can handle money better when they are mature.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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