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It is argued that if parents give weekly pocket money to their young, then children would face less financial problems when they attain the age of adulthood.

It is argued that if parents give weekly pocket money to their young, then children would face less financial problems when they attain the age of adulthood. Y2opm
It is argued that if parents give weekly pocket money to their young, then children would face less financial problems when they attain the age of adulthood. I totally agree with this statement because this teaches young children how to manage their finance and they will importance of money. Firstly, when children are given some pocket money, they learn the management of their finance. This is because many children have a strong desire to buy their favourite toy or a dress and to purchase it, they save money. This enables them to learn money management technique. Secondly, giving some money to young ones teaches them the value of money. Money plays an important role in humans lives and if they use money unnecessarily, they will be soon under debt. Therefore, for a less stressful life, they have to spend money carefully. In conclusion, people who were given some cash during school days do not have to face financial problems because they learnt tactics of using money and they had understood the importance of financial resources.
It
is argued
that if parents give weekly pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to their young, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would face less financial problems when they attain the age of adulthood. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this teaches young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to manage their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
finance and
they
The word 'importance' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
will importance
of money.

Firstly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they learn the management of their finance. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have a strong desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
toy or a dress and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
it, they save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This enables them to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management technique.

Secondly
, giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to young ones teaches them the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
unnecessarily
, they will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
under debt.
Therefore
, for a less stressful life, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
carefully
.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cash during school days do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face financial problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
tactics of using
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they had understood the importance of financial resources.
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IELTS essay It is argued that if parents give weekly pocket money to their young, then children would face less financial problems when they attain the age of adulthood.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
175 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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