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here are many people who believe supplying children with pocket money weekly have less problems with controlling money when they become older .

here are many people who believe supplying children with pocket money weekly have less problems with controlling money when they become older. nV5a2
There are many people who believe supplying children with pocket money weekly have less problems with controlling money when they become older. There have some point where l disagree with this idea. On the one hand individual agree to the idea that supplying children with pocket money create some opportunity for them. Firstly, they learn to managing with money and they create chances to purchase things which they like. Secondly, they can learn to collect money from their weekly income of their pocket money. Furthermore, young generation who have pocket money mostly have good mood and different looking to the life. On the other hand children who have not pocket money every week, these kind of children were in depression because of money and it will make them isolate from other children. But these conditions create motivation to earn money by themselves and trying to be independent. Mostly, these kind of shortages were teach them to wisely manege their money when those who they become adult rather than those who get weekly pocket money. Therefore, learning to earn money from childhood can have more opportunity to be successful in the future. To conclude, people opinion about weekly pocket money can be necessary for some extends but giving chance to learn children earn money from early ages gives opportunity to good prospective.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe supplying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun problems is countable.
less
problems with controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when they become older. There have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point where l disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

On the one hand individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that supplying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opportunity for them.
Firstly
, they learn to managing with
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they create chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
things which they like.
Secondly
, they can learn to collect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
income of their pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Furthermore
, young generation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
mostly
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mood and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
looking to the life.

On the other hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have not pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
every week,
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
were in depression
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them isolate from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these conditions create motivation to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by themselves and trying to be independent.
Mostly
,
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of shortages were
Consider using a past participle here: "taught".
teach
them to
wisely
Did you mean the verb "manage" or the noun "manège" (the art of horsemanship)?
manege
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
they become adult
rather
than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Therefore
, learning to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from childhood can have more opportunity to be successful in the future.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opinion about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekly
pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can be necessary for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
giving chance to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from early ages gives opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
prospective.
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IELTS essay here are many people who believe supplying children with pocket money weekly have less problems with controlling money when they become older.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
221 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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