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Many students leave high school without learning how to manage their money. What are the reasons for this and what solutions can you think of?

Many students leave high school without learning how to manage their money. What are the reasons for this and what solutions can you think of? 9Y8Y3
These days, many students graduate high school without learning the way to control their money. The overemphasis on academic subjects of schools and the upbringing process of students result in this lack of knowledge; however, it could be solved by several solutions. To begin, the first reason is that students are learning too much theory from books and lack soft skills including personal financial management. High school students concentrate more on studying theoretical knowledge and science subjects to get high scores in tests and exams. As a result, they will feel unfamiliar with balancing their income and expenditure in daily life. In addition, over protection from parents is also a reason for this issue. They want their children to be happy so they typically hide the financial problems and provide kids with sufficient money Nevertheless, there are some solutions that may be applied to solve this issue. Schools and educational institutions should provide more soft skills lessons, especially money management lessons. With instructions from teachers and practising exercises, students have more opportunities to train their financial control skills and avoid overspending money when they mature and live alone. Furthermore, parents should strictly limit the amount of pocket-money of students in a month and they only spend this money. This action will help pupils to monitor their budget habits effectively. In conclusion, although personal money management is a problem with many graduated students because of the lack of lessons in schools and the overprotection of parents, there are some ways such as adding more soft skills classes to handle it.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
graduate high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
without learning the way to control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. The overemphasis on academic subjects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and the upbringing process of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
result in this lack of knowledge;
however
, it could
be solved
by several solutions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, the
first
reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are learning too much theory from books and lack soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
including personal financial management. High
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
concentrate more on studying theoretical knowledge and science subjects to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
high scores in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
and exams.
As a result
, they will feel unfamiliar with balancing their income and expenditure in daily life.
In addition
, over protection from parents is
also
a reason for this issue. They want their children to be happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
typically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
the financial problems and provide kids with sufficient
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
money


Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions that may
be applied
to solve this issue.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
and educational institutions should provide more soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
lessons,
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management lessons. With instructions from teachers and
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
exercises,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have more opportunities to train their financial control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and avoid overspending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when they mature and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone.
Furthermore
, parents should
strictly
limit the amount of pocket-money of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
month and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
spend this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. This action will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
pupils to monitor their budget habits
effectively
.

In conclusion
, although personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management is a problem with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of lessons in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and the
Possible spelling mistake found.
overprotection
of parents, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways such as adding more soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
classes to handle it.
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IELTS essay Many students leave high school without learning how to manage their money. What are the reasons for this and what solutions can you think of?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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