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Many processed foods and ready-made meals contain preservatives and chemicals. What are the advantages to this? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.2

Many processed foods and ready-made meals contain preservatives and chemicals. What are the advantages to this? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2
In recent years, sales of packaged foods have been dramatically increased. In order to prolong their shelf life, chemical preservatives are added to processed meals, which are quite harmful for our health. In this essay, I will discuss both advantages and disadvantages of using them in our diets. The first advantage of putting the chemicals in processed eateries is that they can be stored for longer periods. In other words, preservatives prevent the foodstuffs from fungal or bacterial contamination and thus they would not spoil and look fresh. For example, Sodium Benzoate, a chemical substance, used to preserve a a variety of eating items, such as jams, beverages and salads. Another benefit of adding these substitutes is that they enhance flavour and colour of ready-made eatables. For instance, metanil yellow is a common food colourant used in sweets, which gives them a bright yellow colour. While there are numerous pros of using the artificial colourants and preservatives, there are certain drawbacks too. First of all, these additives are mainly employed by ignorant and illiterate manufacturers who do not have knowledge regarding their safe usage. So, they add them in huge quantities which would adversely affect the health of consumers. To illustrate, according to a research study, artificial dyes, which are used to enhance the colours of the foodstuffs, might be carcinogenic. Moreover, these constituents ameliorate the looks of eateries, which attracts the customers and thus increase profit margins. Therefore, some retailers perform this task deliberately and play with the life of the public. In conclusion, although there are some pitfalls associated with these food additives, there are a lot more advantages, which outweigh them. In my opinion, if government applies strict rules and regulations regarding their usage and create awareness among the public, then would be minimal health risks and we can obtain maximum benefits out of these substances.
In recent years, sales of packaged foods have been
dramatically
increased. In order to prolong their shelf life, chemical preservatives are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to processed meals, which are quite harmful for our health.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
this essay, I will discuss both advantages and disadvantages of using them in our diets.

The
first
advantage of putting the chemicals in processed eateries is that they can
be stored
for longer periods.
In other words
, preservatives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the foodstuffs from fungal or bacterial contamination and
thus
they would not spoil and look fresh.
For example
, Sodium Benzoate, a chemical substance,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to preserve
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "a" or "a" is left.
a a
variety of eating items, such as jams, beverages and salads. Another benefit of adding these substitutes is that they enhance
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavour' is British English.
flavour
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
of ready-made eatables.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
metanil
yellow is a common food
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourant' is British English.
colourant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in sweets, which gives them a bright yellow
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
.

While there are numerous pros of using the artificial
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourants' is British English.
colourants
and preservatives, there are certain drawbacks too.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, these additives are
mainly
employed by ignorant and illiterate manufacturers who do not have knowledge regarding their safe usage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
them in huge quantities which would
adversely
affect the health of consumers. To illustrate, according to a research study, artificial dyes, which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to enhance the
Possible spelling mistake. 'colours' is British English.
colours
of the foodstuffs, might be carcinogenic.
Moreover
, these constituents ameliorate the looks of eateries, which attracts the customers and
thus
increase profit margins.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
retailers perform this task
deliberately
and play with the life of the public.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pitfalls associated with these food additives, there are a lot more advantages, which outweigh them. In my opinion, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
applies strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations regarding their usage and create awareness among the public, then would be minimal health
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
risks and
we can obtain maximum benefits out of these substances.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many processed foods and ready-made meals contain preservatives and chemicals. What are the advantages to this? Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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