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Many people working long hours, leaving no time for leisure activities Does this situation have more advantages or disadvantages?

It is an undeniable fact that leisure activities play a vital role in maintaining a good lifestyle. However, people nowadays do not have enough time for hobbies because of long working hours. Though work more than eight hours has an advantage of financial growth; however, a hectic job schedule brings about more disadvantages like social and physical health deterioration that far outweigh the positive. To commence with, having a strict work schedule causes cardiovascular diseases. According to research by the National University of Columbia, lengthy working hours mean sitting in front of a screen without any physical activity has increased the risk of heart diseases. For instance, many corporate offices in China encourage people to take small breaks for a walk or physical stretching during work to keep their employees fit and healthy. Therefore, prolonged screen time should not take over leisure activities. Secondly, job tasks that require more than an average time spent on-screen affect the quality of sleep. Eight hours of sleep is an essential need for a healthy life. A recent study in one of the known universities in the US, people should not use their laptops or even mobile phones because the radiations affect the quality of sleep; Moreover, working for an insanely long duration without any relaxing activity cause insomnia. Consequently, deteriorating mental health and inevitable repercussions. On the contrary, although working extra hours for task completion have a plethora of negatives. Nonetheless, one and most vital merit is that it brings financial growth. People who work hard and go the extra mile to achieve their organizational objectives receive more incentives and bonuses. To exemplify this, in India, overtime culture is so popular that people perceive extra work hours as the key to promotion. To summarize, being hardworking and enthusiastic in fulfilling task deadlines may bring promotion and financial growth. Besides, the adverse effects of relentlessly working surpass the pros of it.
It is an undeniable fact that leisure activities play a vital role in maintaining a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
lifestyle.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for hobbies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more than eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
has an advantage of financial growth;
however
, a hectic job schedule brings about more disadvantages like social and physical health deterioration that far outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.

To commence with, having a strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
schedule causes cardiovascular diseases. According to research by the National University of Columbia, lengthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
mean sitting in front of a screen without any physical activity has increased the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of heart diseases.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
corporate offices in China encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
breaks for a walk or physical stretching during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their employees fit and healthy.
Therefore
, prolonged screen time should not take over leisure activities.

Secondly
, job tasks that require more than an average time spent on-screen affect the quality of sleep. Eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of sleep is an essential need for a healthy life. A recent study in one of the known universities in the US,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their laptops or even mobile phones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the radiations affect the quality of sleep;
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for an
insanely
long duration without any relaxing activity cause insomnia.
Consequently
, deteriorating mental health and inevitable repercussions.

On the contrary
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for task completion have a plethora of negatives. Nonetheless, one and most vital merit is that it brings financial growth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and go the extra mile to achieve their organizational objectives receive more incentives and bonuses. To exemplify this, in India, overtime culture is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perceive extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
as the key to promotion.

To summarize
, being hardworking and enthusiastic in fulfilling task deadlines may bring promotion and financial growth.
Besides
, the adverse effects of
relentlessly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
surpass the pros of it.
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IELTS essay Many people working long hours, leaving no time for leisure activities Does this situation have more advantages or disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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