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Many people work longer hours, leaving little time for leisure activities. ther hand, Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v.1

Many people work longer hours, leaving little time for leisure activities. ther hand, Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 1
It has been observed that employees have been working more then the required hours because of which they are not getting time for personal activities. In my opinion, people are working long hours for their own benefit, but they are forgetting that this is affecting their health and social life. This has more disadvantages and less advantages. Employees often work for long hour's if they have an approaching deadline, they need promotion and if appraisal's are near. I have seen employees just sitting in offices doing absolutely nothing when appraisals are near. They just sit around so that their bosses can see how hard working the employee is, that he is sitting in an office at late hours also. This is the only advantage a person can get from working long hours. On the other hand, there are many disadvantages of working long hours. People who work late, are often the ones with no social life and no social presence. They don't develop their personalities after office hour's. These people are working late hours and due to which they get severe eye damage or backbone damages by sitting in a chair for more than 10 hours. These people have the worst work life balance because of this their relationship with other people also suffers. In conclusion, having a normal work life balance is an important aspect of life, it can help employees live a healthy life. So instead of, working long hours in office an employee should work on developing his personality.
It has
been observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which they are not getting time for personal activities. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefit,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are forgetting that this is affecting their health and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This has more disadvantages and
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun advantages is countable.
less
advantages.

Employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
hour's if they have an approaching deadline, they need promotion and if
Did you mean the plural instead of the possessive?
appraisal's
are near. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sitting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
doing
absolutely
nothing when appraisals are near. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sit around
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their bosses can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
is, that he is sitting in an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
at late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
also
. This is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
advantage a person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
hours.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
late, are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the ones with no social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and no social presence. They don't develop their personalities after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
hour's. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and due to which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
severe eye damage or backbone damages by sitting in a chair for more than 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the worst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance
because of this
their relationship with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
suffers.

In conclusion
, having a normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
instead
of,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
office
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on developing his personality.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people work longer hours, leaving little time for leisure activities. ther hand, Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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