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Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. This has more advantages or disadvantages.

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. This has more advantages or disadvantages. JYXqD
In today's era, a working atmosphere becomes exceptionally competitive. Therefore, many employees prefer to work after office hours and give less importance to recreational activities. Although the benefits of this working system cannot be ignored, in this essay, I will explain why the drawbacks far outweigh them. There are several advantages people can get by working overtime. The first is that an individual can progress significantly in his career. This means working extra hours will allow employees to put in their additional efforts, and they can show their dedication, which can ultimately impress upper management. As a result, the chances of promotion also get increase. The second one is that one can make more money by working extra. This extra work is eventually rewarded by either overtime pay or an increment in the salary. This income is essentially helpful for the people to boost the budget, pay bills, expenses, credit, or loan debt. Despite the benefits, giving more priority to work and less to leisure activities has more drawbacks. The primary one is that an increase in poor health. Indeed, playing sports or doing exercise will keep you healthy. However, if you are working long hours in your office and not doing any activity in your spare time, it will cause various issues like obesity, poor eyesight, or even disturb mental health. Another one is working overtime could adversely affect personal life. We already spend a large portion of our life at our jobs, and working after office hours takes even more time away from our family life. This can mean less sleep, less time for hobbies, and less socializing. But by doing recreational activities, we can spend more time with our close ones, which can ultimately make the family bond stronger. In conclusion, by prioritizing more working hours over other recreational things, people can achieve a prosperous career and lucrative salary, but their health and personal life are also affected. Hence, I personally feel that this working system has more disadvantages.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's era, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
atmosphere becomes
exceptionally
competitive.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees prefer to work after office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
importance to recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Although the benefits of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
system cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
, in this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why the drawbacks far outweigh them.

There are several advantages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime. The
first
is that an individual can progress
significantly
in his career. This means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
employees to put in their additional efforts, and they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their dedication, which can
ultimately
impress upper management.
As a result
, the chances of promotion
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
increase. The second one is that one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more money by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
extra. This extra work is
eventually
rewarded by either overtime pay or an increment in the salary. This income is
essentially
helpful for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to boost the budget, pay bills, expenses, credit, or loan debt.

Despite the benefits, giving more priority to work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
to leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
has more drawbacks. The primary one is that an increase in poor health.
Indeed
, playing sports or doing exercise will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
you healthy.
However
, if you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in your office and not doing any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
in your spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it will cause various issues like obesity, poor eyesight, or even disturb mental health. Another one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime could
adversely
affect personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. We already spend a large portion of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
at our jobs, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
after office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
takes even more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
away from our family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. This can mean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
sleep,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for hobbies, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
socializing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
by doing recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, we can spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with our close ones, which can
ultimately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the family bond stronger.

In conclusion
, by prioritizing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
over other recreational things,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can achieve a prosperous career and lucrative salary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their health and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
are
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
Hence
, I
personally
feel that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
system has more disadvantages.
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IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. This has more advantages or disadvantages.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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