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ALL OVER THE WORLD, THE NUMBER OF OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE IS GROWING. WHAT DO YOU FEEL ARE THE MAIN CAUSES OF THIS? WHAT ARE THE EFFECTS?

ALL OVER THE WORLD, THE NUMBER OF OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE IS GROWING. WHAT DO YOU FEEL ARE THE MAIN CAUSES OF THIS? WHAT ARE THE EFFECTS? BWDw5
It cannot be neglected that the average percentage of overweighting has been increasing over the years. We will discuss scientifically about some of the most impressive reasons of obesity, such as eating disorders, psychological factors, physical inactivity and genetics. There is no doubt that technology advancement in last few decades has been occurred to change the human’s lifestyle. People often consider themselves in a severe rat race and attempt work more to earn more money, consequently they usually spend less time to have their portion and their eating disorders get start. Just imagine a trader who has to be conscious about every second of the market to manage his investment. Furthermore, these stressful conditions lead people tandemly to some unpleasant reaction like anxiety while it is proven that people have more food when they feel anxious and as a result of these events it is observed that considerable range of people eat food to keep themselves merely against lagging behind in making money battle. The other obvious reason is physical inactivity and its effects on humankind genetics. In the distant past human had to explore his surrounding to find food or build a shelter and it was being taken adequate energy to burn excessive calories and carbohydrates. Gradually, this lifestyle changed as far as contemporary human prefers to do all of his routine activities by his smart gadget behind a desk instead of doing that in-person. They assume in Technology Age humans must have less activity than robots and gadgets. However, this lifestyle provides humans more leisure time, repercussions of this inactivity like heart disease or high blood pressure get closer than before and they are more prone to these diseases. In addition, it cannot be ignored that popularity of gadgets among children is increasing day by day and next generation will addict to this type of laziness and evidently will have reduced the overweight age. In conclusion, nowadays, the range of overweighting is surging and it is not able to limit it in a certain reason while couple of reasons, all of the psychological issues, eating habits, activities and even our ancestor behavior are involved in this obesity range.
It cannot
be neglected
that the average percentage of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighting
has been increasing over the years. We will discuss
scientifically
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the most impressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of obesity, such as eating disorders, psychological factors, physical inactivity and genetics.

There is no doubt that technology advancement in last few decades has
been occurred
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
lifestyle.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
consider themselves in a severe rat race and attempt work more to earn more money,
consequently
they
usually
spend less time to have their portion and their eating disorders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
imagine a trader who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be conscious about every second of the market to manage his investment.
Furthermore
, these stressful conditions lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
tandemly
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unpleasant reaction like anxiety while it
is proven
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more food when they feel anxious and
as a result
of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
it
is observed
that considerable range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat food to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves
merely
against lagging behind in making money battle.

The other obvious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is physical inactivity and its effects on humankind genetics. In the distant past
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
had to explore his surrounding to find food or build a shelter and it was
being taken
adequate energy to burn excessive calories and carbohydrates.
Gradually
, this lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
as far as contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
prefers to do all of his routine activities by his smart gadget behind a desk
instead
of doing that in-person. They assume in Technology Age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have less activity than robots and gadgets.
However
, this lifestyle provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
more leisure time, repercussions of this inactivity like heart disease or high blood pressure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
closer than
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
before and
they are more prone to these diseases.
In addition
, it cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
that popularity of gadgets among children is increasing day by day and
next
generation will addict to this type of laziness and
evidently
will have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the overweight age.

In conclusion
, nowadays, the range of
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweighting
is surging and it is not able to limit it in a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
while
It seems that an article is missing.
couple of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
psychological issues, eating habits, activities and even our ancestor behavior
are involved
in this obesity range.
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IELTS essay ALL OVER THE WORLD, THE NUMBER OF OVERWEIGHT PEOPLE IS GROWING. WHAT DO YOU FEEL ARE THE MAIN CAUSES OF THIS? WHAT ARE THE EFFECTS?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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