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Many people work long hours, leaving little time for leisure activities. Discus advantages and disadvantages.

Many people work long hours, leaving little time for leisure activities. Discus advantages and disadvantages. rammp
Nowadays, because of cut-throat competition, some people think that the number of people has long shifts in their workplace and they given a shortage of hours for doing other activities. This essay will discuss both the merits and demerits of these trends before reaching an appropriate conclusion. To begin with positive side, handsome pay is main advantage of this. To make it clear, employees with less salary concentrate on working overtime to add extra money to their salary. For example, many organizations, provide the allowance to motivate those who work late at night of after working hours. As a result, this helps low salary workers to be paid more. Every coin has a flip side, similarly this concept of working has many drawbacks. One of them is, health issues like back pain, obesity and stress. For instance, jobs like computer operators that required a lot of sitting, mostly have employees facing this problem because they hardly spend time to do any extra leisure activities like cardio, Zumba and meditation, which leads to some serious health related problem in future. Secondly, the social communication may be declined. In other words, the relationship of the family and friends might be worse because they cannot afford to enjoy the leisure time with them. Furthermore, when people do not take part in hanging out with their mates, the interaction with each other might decrease dur to the insufficient communication. Therefor, individuals might live their life unhappy and it would affect their social life as well. In conclusion, although long time work brings high salaries, people need to be encouraged to have enough time for free. This issue may become the cause for people to live unhealthy lifestyles and less social contact.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
-throat competition,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has long shifts in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
workplace and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a shortage of hours for doing other activities. This essay will discuss both the merits and demerits of these trends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching an appropriate conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, handsome pay is main advantage of this. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, employees with less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
concentrate on working overtime to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
extra money to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations, provide the allowance to motivate those who work late at night of after working hours.
As a result
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
workers to
be paid
more.

Every coin has a flip side,
similarly
this concept of working has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks. One of them is, health issues like back pain, obesity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For instance
, jobs like computer operators that required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
sitting,
mostly
have employees facing this problem
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they hardly spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do any extra leisure activities like cardio, Zumba and meditation, which leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious health related problem
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
Secondly
, the social communication may
be declined
.
In other words
, the relationship of the family and friends might be worse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot afford to enjoy the leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them.
Furthermore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in hanging out with their mates, the interaction with each other might decrease
Possible spelling mistake found.
dur
to the insufficient communication. Therefor, individuals might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life unhappy and it would affect their social life
as well
.

In conclusion
, although long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
work brings high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to
be encouraged
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for free. This issue may become the cause for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
unhealthy lifestyles and less social contact.
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IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving little time for leisure activities. Discus advantages and disadvantages.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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