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many people work long hours having very little time for leisure activities disadvantages and advantages

many people work long hours having very little time for leisure activities disadvantages and advantages YRVEB
Prioritizing work in a fully materialistic world, along with the need more for money to cover life expenses, has resulted in people drowned to their work without any free-time activity. Although much more money and progress may lead to a more convenient life, fatigue and time-limit don’t allow that one enjoy life, so generally the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. The most significant reason claimed by people with this lifestyle is “money”. It is this amount of work which make them financially capable to experience more leisure activities, especially with increasing prevalence of some expensive entertainments. Furthermore, working hard in some positions leads to faster work progress which itself can reduce working time. For instance, in a factory, a junior engineer who is responsible for designing or manufacturing a product can progress with hard and intensive work and be promoted to a senior engineer who is no longer needed to work more time and can leave his or her workplace at the appointed time every day, having fun for the rest of the day. Although the benefits have a future-focused perspective, it is important that short-term aspects of life be also mentioned. Reasonably, if people work long hours to earn much more money, they won’t have enough time to have fun, whether cheap or expensive, let alone the trended entertainments which also require a lot of time, such as “escape room” which people spend sometimes a day in a room interacting with each other to solve a pre-designed puzzle. In addition, it’s essential to mention that, sooner or later, workers deprived of hobbies whose energy is depleted, not only can they work long hours or even think about promotion, but also won’t be able to work in the regular time. As a conclusion, with all the amenities provided by money as a result of hard working, fatigue after a long time being in workplace and also depriving from some new time-requiring entertainments usually persuades people to set a balance between work and fun in their life.
Prioritizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a
fully
materialistic world, along with the need more for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to cover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
expenses, has resulted in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
drowned to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without any free-time activity. Although much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and progress may lead to a more convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, fatigue and time-limit don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
that one enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
generally
the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.

The most significant reason claimed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with this lifestyle is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“money”
. It is this amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
financially
capable to experience more leisure activities,
especially
with increasing prevalence of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
expensive entertainments.
Furthermore
, working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
positions leads to faster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
progress which itself can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, in a factory, a junior engineer who is responsible for designing or manufacturing a product can progress with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and intensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
be promoted
to a senior engineer who is no longer needed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
workplace at the appointed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
every day, having fun for the rest of the day.

Although the benefits have a future-focused perspective, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that short-term aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
be
also
mentioned.
Reasonably
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
long hours to earn much more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, they won’t have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to have fun, whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
or expensive,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone the trended entertainments which
also
require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, such as “escape room” which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
a day in a room interacting with each other to solve a
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-designed
puzzle.
In addition
, it’s essential to mention that, sooner or later, workers deprived of hobbies whose energy
is depleted
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
long hours or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about promotion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
won’t be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the regular time.

As a conclusion, with all the amenities provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as a result
of
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
, fatigue after a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
being in workplace and
also
The usual collocation for "depriving" is "of" not "". Did you mean "depriving of"?
depriving from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new time-requiring entertainments
usually
persuades
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to set a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and fun in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
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IELTS essay many people work long hours having very little time for leisure activities disadvantages and advantages

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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