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Many people want their country to host an international sporting event.Others belive that international events bring more problems then benefits

Many people want their country to host an international sporting event. Others belive that international events bring more problems then benefits Qx8P
Every single country wants their sport teams to enter a huge international sporting evens. So hosting a international event it is a kind of a big deal. It is beneficial in so many levels; firstly more tourist attraction, people arriving from all over the world, buying tickets, plus they would need to stay in the hotels or hostels, bed and breakfast places. Economically would build up the country and furthermore tourist attractions. However all those big events come with some kind of expenses, as those large events means spending money on security's, providing efficient safety for all the fans and visitors. Unfortunately nowadays as there are enormous any kind of treats, or terrorist attacks going around nobody's safety and secure anywhere anymore, so the further assessments needs to be taken into action, do those sporting events are really necessary, just in resent couple of years on one of those international events, when the tragedy that hit our nation, and what has those poor parents put through is unbearably painful, i still even nowadays as a parent cannot stop thinking of the incident, such a waste of young life's. Conclusively life will carry on, those events are crucial for our society, even if I, myself as a nurse doesn't want anyone to get hurt, so in my eyes any event is not as important
Every single country wants their sport teams to enter a huge international sporting evens.
So
hosting
a
international
event
it is a
kind of a
big
deal. It is beneficial in
so
many
levels;
firstly
more tourist attraction,
people
arriving from all over the world, buying tickets, plus they would need to stay in the hotels or hostels, bed and breakfast places.
Economically
would build up the country and
furthermore
tourist attractions.
However
all those
big
events
come
with
some
kind of expenses, as those large
events
means spending money on security's, providing efficient safety for all the fans and visitors. Unfortunately nowadays as there are enormous any
kind
of treats, or terrorist attacks going around nobody's safety and secure anywhere anymore,
so
the
further
assessments needs to
be taken
into action, do those sporting
events
are
really
necessary,
just
in resent
couple of
years on one of those international
events
, when the tragedy that hit our nation, and what has those poor parents put through is
unbearably
painful,
i
still
even nowadays as a parent cannot
stop
thinking of the incident, such a waste of young life's.
Conclusively
life will carry on, those
events
are crucial for our society, even if I, myself as a nurse doesn't want anyone to
get
hurt,
so
in my eyes any
event
is not as
important
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IELTS essay Many people want their country to host an international sporting event. Others belive that international events bring more problems then benefits

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
222 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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