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many people use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and for news events. do the advantages outweigh disadvantage?

many people use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and for news events. do the advantages outweigh disadvantage? 6lL60
Numerous individual use social media daily to stay connected with their friends and family also, they keep themselves to update with the news. There are several merits and demerits for such an issue. Both the side should be discussed in ensuing paragraphs. To begin with, the main advantage is that, in the recent era, social media is one of the most easiest way to keep in touch with other people. The reason is that, nowadays humans are migrating to search for better employment. Therefore, they leave their love once in their hometown and through the internet they all are contect their favourite peoples. As well as, they find the information about what is going all around the world. For example, due to BBC online national and international news channel humans get updated about the world also, they make calls, chat and video calls through the various applications like, whatsapp and facebook. On the dark side, there are few drawbacks of social media. Firstly, most of the time people should avoid social gatherings. To explain it further, they prefer chatting rather than visiting personally. As a result, they do not share the same kind of bond that thay had earlier. Secondly, there are lot of fake information on the internet. Because of that, some individual influence by these type of information which creates hazardous effect on society. For illustration, during this pendemic a lot of false news is spread on whatsapp about corona vaccination. To conclude the discussion, although social media have some benefits such as, it us the most easiest way to keep in touch with each other and collect the latest news information, they have given us several disadvantages like people are avoid social gatherings also, some fake news misleads them. Thus, I deem that merit outweigh demerits.
Numerous individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
daily to stay connected with their friends and family
also
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves to update with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. There are several merits and demerits for such an issue. Both the side should
be discussed
in ensuing paragraphs. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the main advantage is that, in the recent era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is one of the
Use only "easiest" (without 'most') when you use the superlative.
most easiest
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The reason is that, nowadays humans are migrating to search for better employment.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
once in their hometown and through the internet they all are
Possible spelling mistake found.
contect
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
.
As well
as, they find the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about what is going all around the world.
For example
, due to BBC online national and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channel humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
updated about the world
also
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
calls, chat and video calls through the various applications like,
Possible spelling mistake found.
whatsapp
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
. On the dark side, there are few drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Firstly
, most of the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
gatherings. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
it
further
, they prefer chatting
rather
than visiting
personally
.
As a result
, they do not share the same kind of bond that
Possible spelling mistake found.
thay
had earlier.
Secondly
, there are
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on the internet.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individual influence by these type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which creates hazardous effect on society. For illustration, during this
Possible spelling mistake found.
pendemic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
false
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is spread
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
whatsapp
about corona vaccination.
To conclude
the discussion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits such as, it us the
Use only "easiest" (without 'most') when you use the superlative.
most easiest
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with each other and collect the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
us several disadvantages like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
gatherings
also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
misleads them.
Thus
, I deem that merit outweigh demerits.
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IELTS essay many people use social media every day to keep in touch with other people and for news events. do the advantages outweigh disadvantage?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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