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Many people think that zoos, which keep wild animals in a man-made environment should no longer exist in the 21st century. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

I totally agree with the fact that wild animals should not be kept in artificial habitat in the 21st century. Keeping wild animals forcibly in man-made environment is completely an inhumane act. Some of the arguments support my opinion and some are against mine. Firstly, in zoos, animals are kept in extremely confined areas as compared to natural habitat of wild animals. The idea behind the creation of zoos by government in cities was to develop a close association between humans and animals and also to promote awareness among people concerning the existence of endangered species. However, people generally look at zoos as just a mode of recreation. Secondly, many news channels featured the news that most of the zoo keepers do not actually take care of animals. They are generally seen taking monetary benefits from people who came to visit them. Apart from this, zoo keepers are also no longer seems to be passionate conservationist. Furthermore, some of them also get involved in illegal trafficking of some endagered species. Thirdly, it is completely unjust and illegal as per government laws to keep animals captivated in cages to attain monetary benefits and entertainment. I believe that if people really want to see wild animals then definitely they should search for various government sites which provide a complete tour package of sightseeing wild animals in sanctuaries, bioreserve parks and other conservation areas. Not only this, I think people will experience various wonderful colours and faces of animals of particular species in their niche. To conclude, I would like to reiterate my opinion of there is no other alternative of natural habitat for animals. As responsible human beings, we should keep them captivated in cages which is not only posing a great threat to their survival and reproduction patterns but also increasing their rates of extinction and endangerment on this earth.
I
totally
Consider using “agree that”.
agree with the fact that
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in artificial habitat in the 21st century. Keeping wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
forcibly
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made environment is completely an inhumane act.
If the text is a generality, ‘of the’ is not necessary.
Some of the
arguments support my opinion and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are against mine.

Firstly
, in zoos,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
in
extremely
confined areas as compared to natural habitat of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
behind the creation of zoos by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in cities was to develop a close association between humans and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
also
to promote awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concerning the existence of endangered species.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
generally
look at zoos as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a mode of recreation.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
news channels featured the news that most of the
This noun is normally spelled as one word.
zoo keepers
do not actually take care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. They are
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
taking monetary benefits from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who came to visit them. Apart from this,
This noun is normally spelled as one word.
zoo keepers
are
also
no longer seems to be passionate conservationist.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in illegal trafficking of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
endagered
species.

Thirdly
, it is completely unjust and illegal as per
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
laws to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
captivated in cages to attain monetary benefits and entertainment. I believe that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
really
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
then definitely they should search for various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
sites which provide a complete tour package of sightseeing wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in sanctuaries,
Possible spelling mistake found.
bioreserve
parks and other conservation areas. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will experience various wonderful
Possible spelling mistake. ‘colours’ is British English.
colours
and faces of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
of particular species in their niche.

To conclude
, I would like to reiterate my opinion of there is no other alternative of natural habitat for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. As responsible human beings, we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them captivated in cages which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
posing a great threat to their survival and reproduction patterns
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
increasing their rates of extinction and endangerment on this earth.
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IELTS essay Many people think that zoos, which keep wild animals in a man-made environment should no longer exist in the 21st century. with this statement

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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