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Many people think that more money will make them more happy. How important is money for happiness? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people think that more money will make them more happy. How important is money for happiness? Q8mR1
Nowadays large masses consider money as the best way to establish happy lifestyle. In contrast to this belief, others claim that financial statement does not play vital role in reaching happiness. Despite the fact, that money sources positively influence people`s life conditions, I support the point of view that states for more considerable reasons of being a happy person. Discussing first opinion which ensures that stable, big in amount salaries can open for an individual a scope of endless opportunities and provide different possible ways to reach the willing result. It is not a secret that attractive and vivid material life makes people more confident and happier about their appearance and place in society. People with permanent high income can afford him/herself choosing relatively expensive places to live in, clothes and cars comparing with those who just earn for living. Moreover, parents who can suggest their children high education of a good quality can supply them with everything necessary for studying abroad in prestige university and finally make their children`s dreams come true. From another side, it is not fair mentioning that just money are the reason for real happiness of the population. Happiness is something that contains spiritual context, consequently being happy means having pleasurable communication with friends and family. Members of one`s family and friends as well are usually close people abled to make one`s life brighter and happier. Having large amount of sources cannot buy and all the more so replace cozy atmosphere of communicating with friends. The same happens with family, nevertheless the breadwinner brings to the family budget substantial sum, daily family climate plays paramount role in constructing strong long-term relationships and create happiness. To conclude, in my opinion, no matter how large wage the person receives per month, happiness is impossible to be bought with it.
Nowadays large masses consider money as the best way to establish happy lifestyle.
In contrast
to this belief, others claim that financial statement does not play vital role in reaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. Despite the fact, that money sources
positively
influence
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
life conditions, I support the point of view that states for more considerable reasons of being a happy person.

Discussing
first
opinion which ensures that stable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
in amount salaries can open for an individual a scope of endless opportunities and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
possible ways to reach the willing result. It is not a secret that attractive and vivid material life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more confident and happier about their appearance and place in society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
with permanent high income can afford him/herself choosing
relatively
expensive places to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in, clothes and cars comparing with those who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
earn for living.
Moreover
, parents who can suggest their children high education of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality can supply them with everything necessary for studying abroad in prestige university and
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
The character between 'children' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "children’s" (curly apostrophe) or "children's" (straight apostrophe).
children`s
dreams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true.

From another side, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
mentioning that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
money are the reason for real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
of the population.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
is something that contains spiritual context,
consequently
being happy means having pleasurable communication with friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Members of
The character between 'one' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "one’s" (curly apostrophe) or "one's" (straight apostrophe).
one`s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends
as well
are
usually
close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Possible spelling mistake found.
abled
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
The character between 'one' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "one’s" (curly apostrophe) or "one's" (straight apostrophe).
one`s
life brighter and happier. Having large amount of sources cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and all the more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
replace cozy atmosphere of communicating with friends. The same happens with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
nevertheless
the breadwinner brings to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
budget substantial sum, daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
climate plays paramount role in constructing strong long-term relationships and create happiness.

To conclude
, in my opinion, no matter how large wage the person receives per month,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
is impossible to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
with it.
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IELTS essay Many people think that more money will make them more happy. How important is money for happiness?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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