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Many people think that men should go out to work while women place is in the home To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Many people think that men should go out to work while women place is in the home v. 1
The population is increasing rapidly and with the consumption of non-veg some peoples believe that it is better for us to stop usage of meat or fish and they believe that it help both humans and as well as wildlife over all. In this essay we will discuss and I will provide with my point of view. To start with, all living entity on in this world have right to live their life as they wish to, but animals are not capable to look after themselves so human's should or have to take responsibility for looking out for them. All animals whether it is aqua animals or land animals we should care for them and stop butchering for pleasure. It is a well-known fact, eating less meat and more vegetables are beneficial to our health. We can get balanced nutrition from different varieties of cuisine. Of course, we must consider some people kill precious species for high sums of money, for instance to satisfy the needs for certain mixtures of traditional medicines as well as for dinner tables. If more people want to eat rare mammals and sea-life, then these creatures would face the risk of extinction, if that were to happen, there may well be a chain reaction which could result in serious damage to environments around the world. In my opinion, the proteins we need to maintain our health are not just found in fruits and vegetables it comes in the meat's also for example, pork, beef and oil sea-fish. Besides, nowadays all the meat comes from the domestic livestock exclusively to provide food for peoples. So it doesn't affect the balance of nature. In conclusion, my opinion is this, we do not need to refuse animal or seafood, but reduce and alter our diets. Eating them within a limit is the best way to improve our own welfare and protect the world.
The population is increasing
rapidly
and with the consumption of non-veg
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
believe that it is better for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
usage of meat or
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fish and
they believe that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
both humans and
as well
as wildlife over all. In this essay we will discuss and I will provide with my point of view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, all living entity on in this world have right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life as they wish to,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are not capable to look after themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
human's should or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take responsibility for looking out for them. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
whether it is aqua
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
or land
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
we should care for them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
butchering for pleasure. It is a well-known fact, eating less meat and more vegetables are beneficial to our health. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
balanced nutrition from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
varieties of cuisine.
Of course
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
kill precious species for high sums of money,
for instance
to satisfy the needs for certain mixtures of traditional medicines
as well
as for dinner tables. If more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to eat rare mammals and sea-life, then these creatures would face the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of extinction, if that were to happen, there may well be a chain reaction which could result in serious damage to environments around the world.

In my opinion, the proteins we need to maintain our health are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
found in fruits and vegetables it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
in the meat's
also
for example
, pork, beef and oil sea-fish.
Besides
, nowadays all the meat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the domestic livestock exclusively to provide food for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it doesn't affect the balance of nature.

In conclusion
, my opinion is this, we do not need to refuse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
or seafood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
and alter our diets. Eating them within a limit is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
welfare and protect the world.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people think that men should go out to work while women place is in the home v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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