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Many people think that ex-prisoners are the best ones to prevent teenagers from committing crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Many people think that ex-prisoners are the best ones to prevent teenagers from committing crimes. e3oDx
Whether or not ex-prisoners are the most appropriate ones to narrow down juvenile delinquents has always been a controversial issue. On this question, I wholeheartedly disapprove of the above-mentioned statement. Instead, I consider schools and parents to be that vital role. First and foremost, the notion that parents must assume the responsibility of educating their offspring not to commit any offense is of paramount significance. A recent article written by Tuoi Tre indicated that a majority of young adults who commit serious crimes do not have enough parental care. Hence, parents should talk to them more frequently and listen to their daily stories in order to understand them well and give advice when necessary. Moreover, they should encourage their children to engage in community service and charities, where they can contribute good things to benefit the society. Through these platforms, they will find the joy and value of helping the disadvantaged. In addition, one should be amply aware is that schools have to fulfill these obligations. In Vietnam, we have a subject called “civic education” teaching students about Vietnam’s law and society’s ethics foundation. Furthermore, multiple secondary schools and high schools organize a workshop where police officers can deliver a speech regarding crime and the country’s regulations to the pupils. Not only does this remind them to be decent people, but this also reminds them to live their lives with integrity and morality. There is, nonetheless, another aspect of this question, namely, that offenders should be the most suitable ones. Perhaps the most plausible interpretations that accounts for this assumption is the strict punishments that they received. Opponents of my viewpoint believe that such discipline deter teenagers from committing crime. Nevertheless, I would opine that this is not an effective measure since threatening youngsters with such retribution is not a right thing to do. To recapitulate, although several people hold the view that ex-prisoners are the best ones, I would disagree with that conception. Therefore, this is schools and parents’ collective duty to educate teens not to offend.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
ex-prisoners are the most appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to narrow down juvenile delinquents has always been a controversial issue. On this question, I
wholeheartedly
disapprove of the above-mentioned statement.
Instead
, I consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to be that vital role.

First
and foremost, the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
assume the responsibility of educating their offspring not to commit any offense is of paramount significance. A recent article written by
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tuoi
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tre
indicated that a majority of young adults who commit serious crimes do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
parental care.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should talk to them more
frequently
and listen to their daily stories in order to understand them well and give advice when necessary.
Moreover
, they should encourage their children to engage in community service and charities, where they can contribute
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things to benefit the society. Through these platforms, they will find the joy and value of helping the disadvantaged.

In addition
, one should be
amply
aware is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
fulfill these obligations. In Vietnam, we have a subject called “civic education” teaching students about Vietnam’s law and society’s ethics foundation.
Furthermore
, multiple secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
organize a workshop where police officers can deliver a speech regarding crime and the country’s regulations to the pupils. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does this remind them to be decent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
also
reminds them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
with integrity and morality.

There is, nonetheless, another aspect of this question,
namely
, that offenders should be the most suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. Perhaps the most plausible interpretations that accounts for this assumption is the strict punishments that they received. Opponents of my viewpoint believe that such discipline deter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
from committing crime.
Nevertheless
, I would opine that this is not an effective measure since threatening youngsters with such retribution is not a right thing to do.

To recapitulate, although several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the view that ex-prisoners are the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
, I would disagree with that conception.
Therefore
, this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
collective duty to educate teens not to offend.
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IELTS essay Many people think that ex-prisoners are the best ones to prevent teenagers from committing crimes.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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