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Many people think that employing and exploiting animals for basic human needs is totally justified while others opine that animals should not be exploited by people and they should have the same rights as humans. v.1

Many people think that employing and exploiting animals for basic human needs is totally justified while others opine that animals should not be exploited by people and they should have the same rights as humans. v. 1
Nowadays, the destruction of animals is increasing at very fast pace. This has sparked a heated debate. Some people contend to use animals and consider their rights but others had a notion of utilising them for their personal benefits. This essay would discuss the both the sides of the issue. On one side, individuals should consider the rights of animals. Animals are also one of the living creatures on this planet and have right to live freely. They do have the feelings and understanding of the relationships. For example, dogs are considered to be loyal towards his owners and even sometimes sacrifices their life for the sake of protecting their owners’ life. Thus hurting them means creating curse for ourselves. On contrary part, animals can provide the regardless benefits to economy and society of a country. Many people  do a business in the field of dairy farming, poultry farming, making the shoes, bags from the skin of animals, meat industry and make good profits. Furthermore, animals are also involved in the sports these days. For instance horse riding and bull fighting are very common at present. As a consequence, all these contributing to the growth of the economy and satisfying the needs of human race. To put it in a nutshell, although human cannot think about their progress without animals but the distortion of living creatures seems inhuman. In my opinion, animals provide us unlimited resources without any cost. So we should utilise them in control way and restrict the killing. Ultimately, for the sake of humanity and get the valuable products for a longer time we must provide them healthy and secure life.
Nowadays, the destruction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is increasing at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace. This has sparked a heated debate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
contend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and consider their rights
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others had a notion of
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
them for their personal benefits. This essay would discuss the both the sides of the issue.

On one side, individuals should consider the rights of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
are
also
one of the living creatures on this planet and have right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
freely
. They do have the feelings and understanding of the relationships.
For example
, dogs
are considered
to be loyal towards his owners and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
sacrifices their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
for the sake of protecting their owners’ life.
Thus
hurting them means creating curse for ourselves.

On contrary part,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can provide the regardless benefits to economy and society of a country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
do a business in the field of dairy farming, poultry farming, making the shoes, bags from the skin of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, meat industry and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
profits.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
also
involved in the sports these days.
For instance
horse riding and bull fighting are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common at present. As a consequence, all these contributing to the growth of the economy and satisfying the needs of human race.

To put it in a nutshell, although human cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their progress without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the distortion of living creatures seems inhuman. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
provide us unlimited resources without any cost.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we should
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
them in control way and restrict the killing.
Ultimately
, for the sake of humanity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the valuable products for a longer time we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide them healthy and secure life.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Many people think that employing and exploiting animals for basic human needs is totally justified while others opine that animals should not be exploited by people and they should have the same rights as humans. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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