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many people think that children should play sports at school, while others think it should be a optional.

many people think that children should play sports at school, while others think it should be a optional. 7LRab
The importance of sports in daily life has remained a controversial issue for parents of students. Some claim that sports and physical education are not crucial for education in general, while others believe that PE is no less significant than other main subjects like mathematics, literature, physics…. My personal point of view is that physical activities are essential for the development of children’s bodies. Nowadays, parents usually set a target for their children to be excellent in the main subjects, especially in Asian countries. They manipulate their kids’ time and usually make them go to extra classes in order to improve their performance at school. But sadly, not many parents spend their money to help students improve their physical strength. They ignore and do not mind too much about students’ physical status, which might lead to a whole lot of health problems in the future. Not only metally, but students also need to be developing physically. Daily exercise for 30 minutes, even though doesn’t take a lot of time in their daily schedule, could bring numerous benefits. Start from a gradual increase in the muscular system and height to avoiding fatal heart diseases. Children do not usually intend or want to play sports on their own, but at school, the environment changes and competitiveness substantially boost their will of playing sports and win against others up to the point they do not want the match to be over and it will be much more efficient for physical health. In short, it is reasonable for parents to want sports at schools to be optional because they concentrate too much on students’ academic abilities. However, I believe that physical education should be obligatory at schools for the sake of their health and strength.
The importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in daily life has remained a controversial issue for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education are not crucial for education
in general
, while others believe that PE is no less significant than other main subjects like mathematics, literature, physics…. My personal point of view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities are essential for the development of children’s bodies.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
usually
set a target for their children to be excellent in the main subjects,
especially
in Asian countries. They manipulate their kids’ time and
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them go to extra classes in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their performance at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
sadly
, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend their money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
and do not mind too much about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
status, which might lead to a
Consider using "lot".
whole lot
of health problems in the future. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
metally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
also
need to be developing
physically
.

Daily exercise for 30 minutes,
even though
doesn’t take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time in their daily schedule, could bring numerous benefits.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Start
from a gradual increase in the muscular system and height to avoiding fatal heart diseases. Children do not
usually
intend or want to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, the environment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and competitiveness
substantially
boost their
It's never correct to use 'of' after a modal verb. Use "will have".
will of
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and win against others up to the point they do not want the match to be over and it will be much more efficient for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health.

In short, it is reasonable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to want
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to be optional
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they concentrate too much on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
academic abilities.
However
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education should be obligatory at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
for the sake of their health and strength.
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IELTS essay many people think that children should play sports at school, while others think it should be a optional.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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