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The idea of becoming independent and building a startup instead of being an employee for another company

The idea of becoming independent and building a startup instead of being an employee for another company Nygmg
The idea of becoming independent and building a startup instead of being an employee for another company is becoming popular especially between young people.   In this essay the reasons why running own business is better than working for other people will be discussed. One on hand, the benefits of running own organization should be considered. First of all, starting a business is beneficial because of the golden opportunities that you get for gaining experiences in the case of leadership. For instance, by planning for employees and making critical decisions for the whole company, the boss becomes familiar with the best tricks for increasing the sales, profits, etc. The second pro of running a startup is being able to schedule everything depended on your personal plans and free times. Therefore, there’s no need to cancel or change your other plans for a business meeting. On the other hand, the risk of starting a new startup is higher than working for other foundations. As an example, the companies that had already done many big things, are more trustworthy than new ones. Therefore, people prefer to work with them instead of a new organization. However, it should be considered that after a few years, new companies will become known as well which means that the long-term result is pleasant. In conclusion, although there are some risks in being the leader of a startup, the advantages of starting a new business and running own company are much more than working for other people and foundations.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of becoming independent and building a startup
instead
of being an employee for another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is becoming popular
especially
between young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
In this essay the reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
running
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is better than working for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be discussed
.

One on hand, the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
running
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
organization should
be considered
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the golden opportunities that you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
for gaining experiences in the case of leadership.
For instance
, by planning for employees and making critical decisions for the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, the boss becomes familiar with the best tricks for increasing the sales, profits, etc. The second pro of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
running
a startup is being able to schedule everything depended on your personal plans and free times.
Therefore
, there’s no need to cancel or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
plans for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
meeting.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
startup is higher than working for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
foundations. As an example, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that had already done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
things, are more trustworthy than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
ones.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to work with them
instead
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
organization.
However
, it should
be considered
that after a few years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
will become known
as well
which means that the long-term result is pleasant.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
in being the leader of a startup, the advantages of starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
running
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
are much more than working for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and foundations.
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IELTS essay The idea of becoming independent and building a startup instead of being an employee for another company

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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