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Many people think that children should be taught cooking skills at school while others do not think so. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Many people think that children should be taught cooking skills at school while others do not think so. pXQN0
One school of thought opine, young learners at alma mater should be taught with culinary skills whereas other section of society contradicts the viewpoint. In the rendered essay both perspectives will be analyzed whereas I strongly favour the latter view. If we talk about the former then there are few points that are in favour of the notion. Firstly parents now-a-days are too busy with their daily routine moreover both mother and father are working and on top of it they live in nuclear families. So its better if kids learn to cook themselves as they will not be dependent on adults to feed them. Secondly, kids who enjoy cooking can develop their hobby and later it can take the shape of a careet, as we know food is one of the largest industry in the global market. Another important aspect could be the migration of students for higher studies or for jobs purposes to other cities. As there is no one to prepare food for them, so they cannot rely on street food as its spicy, oily, not digestive and not even pocket friendly. So it will be better from all aspects if they can cook themselves. On the contrary there are several disagreements that go against it. First of all these days students are preoccupied with lot of subjects and heavy curriculum, in such case adding up a new subject will be an extra burden for them. Moreover we know in schools there is cut throat competition for academic scores, so this new addition of subject may disturb their time table. Another important point is that this requires practical as well as theoritical learning and students may have to work with gas stoves, knives and other pricky equipments, so its not at all safe for them. If we dig deeper we can also see that schools will have to spend extra on infrastructure to create labs or kitchens and buy utensils etc. and this ultimately will be charged as an extra fees from parents. The gist is that cooking is such an activity which can be learnt at any stage of life through different sources like online classes, youtube or some coaching institutes. SO there is no point to waste precious school life on it.
One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
opine, young learners at alma mater should
be taught
with culinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
whereas other section of society contradicts the viewpoint. In the rendered essay both perspectives will
be analyzed
whereas I
strongly
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the latter view.

If we talk about the former then there are few points that are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the notion.
Firstly
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days are too busy with their daily routine
moreover
both mother and father are working and on top of it they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in nuclear families.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
its better if kids learn to cook themselves as they will not be dependent on adults to feed them.
Secondly
, kids who enjoy cooking can develop their hobby and later it can take the shape of a
Possible spelling mistake found.
careet
, as we know food is one of the largest industry in the global market. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect could be the migration of students for higher studies or for jobs purposes to other cities. As there is no one to prepare food for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they cannot rely on street food as its spicy, oily, not digestive and not even pocket friendly.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it will be better from all aspects if they can cook themselves.

On the contrary
there are several disagreements that go against it.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
these days students
are preoccupied
with
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
subjects and heavy curriculum, in such case adding up a new subject will be an extra burden for them.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
we know in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
there is
'cut throat' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "cut-throat".
cut throat
competition for academic scores,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this new addition of subject may disturb their time table. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that this requires practical
as well
as
Possible spelling mistake found.
theoritical
learning and students may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work with gas stoves, knives and other
Possible spelling mistake found.
pricky
equipments,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
its not at all safe for them. If we dig deeper we can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend extra on infrastructure to create labs or kitchens and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
utensils etc. and this
ultimately
will
be charged
as an extra fees from parents.

The gist is that cooking is such an activity which can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt at
any stage of life through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sources like online classes,
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtube
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
coaching institutes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
there is no point to waste precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
life on it.
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IELTS essay Many people think that children should be taught cooking skills at school while others do not think so.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
377 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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