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many people think technological devices such as smart phones, tablets bring more disadvantages than advantages

many people think technological devices such as smart phones, tablets bring more disadvantages than advantages WbE0
Nowadays, which people call Information Age due to much huge information technology development and major scientific improvements in the past few decades. But even so, there are people who think that technological devices such as smartphones, tablets bring more disadvantages than advantages. Now, I will discuss both sides and leave my own opinions. First, we talk about the advantages. Technological devices have brought us many great benefits in many aspects of daily life. Nowadays, with just your smartphone or tablet beside you, you can make things much more simpler. From paying bills, booking tickets, or even control your household equipment, … all can be done with just a simple click. More of that, technological devices also help us to connect to others living in far distant places or from other continents. Second is its disadvantages, alongside of many great benefits is got for us there are still some downside that we should notice. Firstly, it makes people more lonely than we think it connects people. Because, as we can talk which each other from all corner of the world then we lazy to contact them face to face which kind of bad for people relationship. Second, if we can use it properly we will waste lots of time due to wandering on the web with no purpose.
Nowadays, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
call Information Age due
Did you mean "too"?
to
much huge information technology development and major scientific improvements in the past few decades.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that technological devices such as smartphones, tablets bring more disadvantages than advantages.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I will discuss both sides and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinions.

First
, we talk about the advantages. Technological devices have brought us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
great benefits in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of daily life. Nowadays, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
your smartphone or tablet beside you, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
things much more simpler. From paying bills, booking tickets, or even control your household equipment, … all can
be done
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a simple click. More of that, technological devices
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to connect to others living in far distant places or from other continents.

Second is its disadvantages, alongside of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
great benefits is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
for us there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downside that we should notice.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more lonely than we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it connects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, as we can talk which each other from all corner of the world then we lazy to contact them face to face which kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relationship. Second, if we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
properly
we will waste lots of time due to wandering on the web with no purpose.

IELTS essay many people think technological devices such as smart phones, tablets bring more disadvantages than advantages

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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