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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? K2yR
A group of people believe that marketing inspires public to have those items which are not necessary for them. Although, a different group of people argue that these marketing can develop the life standards. In my opinion, I believe in first group of people. Firstly, the advertisement which companies are doing in today world is called gorilla marketing. Whether you need that product or no you will see ad for those items everywhere. Because these ads hit out sub-conscious mind and that lead us to buy that product or item without the need. Impulse buying in supermarkets are very common because companies advertise their products in a way that force people to buy that product which they don’t need. For example, my sister she manipulates so easily by the advertisements and buy whatever they show. Secondly, advertisements for many product link that product with social class and it creates huge difference between people specially among youngster. Moreover, for getting those products people involve themselves in wrong doing to just prove themselves in the society. Last year in one of our local school, one student steal money from supermarket to buy new mobile when police caught him, he gave reason that all of his friends are having specific brand and his father cannot afford for him that mobile so he chose that way to buy and fit in that group. If someone require anything or want to upgrade any item he/she will do research by themselves, they don’t need unrequired ad everywhere. Lastly, for improving our lives there are many other options such as good education. By upgrading product or buy new technology cannot develop the life standards but on the other hand may be it increase gap in society.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that marketing inspires public to have those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
which are not necessary for them.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that these marketing can develop the life standards. In my opinion, I believe in
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Firstly
, the advertisement which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are doing in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
world
is called
Possibly confused word: Did you mean "guerilla" (= soldier specializing surprise attacks) instead of 'gorilla' (= animal in ape family)?
gorilla
marketing. Whether you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
or no you will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
ad for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
everywhere.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
these ads hit out sub-conscious mind and that lead us to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
. Impulse buying in supermarkets are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
advertise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in a way that force
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
which they don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
.
For example
, my sister she manipulates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easily
by the advertisements and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
whatever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
.

Secondly
, advertisements for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
link that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
with social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and it creates huge difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
specially
among youngster.
Moreover
, for getting those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
involve themselves in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
doing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
prove themselves in the society. Last year in one of our local school, one student steal money from supermarket to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
new mobile when police caught him, he gave reason that all of his friends are having specific brand and his father cannot afford for him that mobile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he chose that way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
and fit in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
. If someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "requires", "required".
require
anything or want to upgrade any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
item
he/she will do research by themselves, they don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
Possible spelling mistake found.
unrequired
ad everywhere.

Lastly
, for improving our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other options such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education. By upgrading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
new technology cannot develop the life standards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hand
Did you mean "maybe" (= perhaps)?
may be
it increase gap in society.
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IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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