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In contemporary society everyone should have equal opportunities in education .therefore universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject .to what extent do you agree this?

In contemporary society everyone should have equal opportunities in education. therefore universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. 9ylw
It is often considered that, it is more adventigeous to have equal number of gender in all aspects of the education in this modern world. I strongly agree with this opinion and I think that both sex should give same opportunities in curriculum. First of all I, suggest that each lives in this world has to be considered as human rather than the gender because, both males and females have pros and cons in one way or the other. For example, every woman find difficult to take a 10 kilogram rod by her own whereas, it would be much more easier for the men to do. Similarly, a woman can give birth to a baby and can tolerate that pain but the men cannot. Therefore I conclude that, as both genders has their own capabilities both sex have to be allowed to excel in the field of education to show up their particular ability in that department. Secondly, if a particular group of people probably the female, if not given education which shows the illiteracy rate of our country which may affect the country's economic development. For instance, a woman who have the capability to manage a total family's budget would able to control our country's financial state. When we disclose their ability it is affecting our country. We are lossing a lot of talented people. So by providing education to all it rise up our country's development. To recapitulate, irrespective of the gender if we provide education, it brings up talented people that may transform our developing country into developed
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered that, it is more
Possible spelling mistake found.
adventigeous
to have equal number of gender in all aspects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in this modern world. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both sex should give same opportunities in curriculum.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
I, suggest that each
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in this world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be considered
as human
rather
than the gender
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, both males and females have pros and cons in one way or the other.
For example
, every woman find difficult to take a 10 kilogram rod by her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
whereas, it would be much
Use only "easier" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more easier
for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
to do.
Similarly
, a woman can give birth to a baby and can tolerate that pain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
cannot.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
I conclude that, as both genders has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
capabilities both sex
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to excel in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
up their particular ability in that department.
Secondly
, if a particular group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
probably
the female, if not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the illiteracy rate of our country which may affect the country's economic development.
For instance
, a woman who have the capability to manage a total family's budget
Did you mean "would be able"?
would able
to control our country's financial state.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
we disclose their ability it is affecting our country. We are
Possible spelling mistake found.
lossing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to all it
Did you mean "rises"?
rise
up our country's development. To recapitulate, irrespective of the gender if we provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, it brings up talented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that may transform our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
into
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
developed
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IELTS essay In contemporary society everyone should have equal opportunities in education. therefore universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
260 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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