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Many people think regions affect successful persons. What is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to?

Many people think regions affect successful persons. What is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to? EKAD
It is a general perspective of people that success depends on native regions. Some individuals tend to perform relatively better in known situations, while others do not have any effect on their success from surrounding factors like region or language. Similarly, some successful individuals influence on the regions they belong and some do not have any influence. In the past, regions and societies were influenced by successful persons when they were confined within geographical constraints, and information were not readily present to everyone. In contrast, the information and knowledge are available from all over the globe easily in present world. Therefore, regions are not easily influenced by successful individuals. Similarly, individual’s success is not affected by the regions they belong. Sometimes, influence of successful individuals bring negative affect on the regions because of their negative charisma. In the same way, some individuals bring positivity in region and have an ample effect on society's success. However, it does not necessarily mean that positive persons bring positivity to region. In summary, successful persons often influence their native regions and help to drive the region to success along with one selves. Whereas, some individuals are heavily invested in their own success that they have negative effects on region they belong to.
It is a general perspective of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
depends on native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
tend to perform
relatively
better in known situations, while others do not have any effect on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
from surrounding factors like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
or language.
Similarly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
influence on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
they belong and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
do not have any influence.

In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
and societies
were influenced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
persons when they
were confined
within geographical constraints, and information were not
readily
present to everyone.
In contrast
, the information and knowledge are available from all over the globe
easily
in present world.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
are not
easily
influenced by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
they belong.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, influence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
charisma.
In the same way
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
bring positivity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
and have an ample effect on society's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
However
, it does not
necessarily
mean that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
persons bring positivity to region.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
persons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
influence their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regions
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to drive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
along with
Don't use the number 'one' with plural words. Did you mean "one self", "a self", or simply "selves"?
one selves
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are
heavily
invested in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
that they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
region
they belong to.
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IELTS essay Many people think regions affect successful persons. What is your opinion about native regions and accomplished person influence on the regions they belong to?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
208 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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