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Many people think having enough money brings happiness but others think too much money can bring problems. Do you agree or disagree?

Many people think having enough money brings happiness but others think too much money can bring problems. gDAQ1
Money certainly plays an important role in person's life. While some people believe that having an adequate amount of money brings happiness, some others believe that possessing too much money leads to problems. This essay discusses both these views in detail and arrives a logical conclusion. Money is definitely required for most material things an having adequate amount certainly leads to contentment. Every product in this world has a price tag associated with it, be it food, house, apparel or garment, and in order to acquire it, everyone should buy it. Hence without sufficient money, it would be very difficult to lead a life and thereby a person cannot be happy. For instance, the level of satisfaction or happiness of a well-settled person would be much higher than a person who does a menial job. Thus, it is easy to see that having sufficient money is really important to be happy. Although having an adequate amount of money can bring happiness, having too much can definitely bring problems. A millionaire is always worried about the safety of his money. Several people who possess excess money always become the target of robberies, theft, and other crimes. Moreover, this destroys the peace in their life. For instance, the recent incident of the murder of Rob John, world's 10th richest person by his own wife for his property shows how the excess money ended his life. Therefore, it cannot go without saying that having too much money is dangerous. Money certainly has become the requirement of the day. After discussing the pertinent points related to the issue, I feel that the only logical conclusion is that although having excess money can turn out to be dangerous at times, the benefits of having money outweigh the situation of lacking money for needs.
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Money
certainly
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in person's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
an adequate amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
brings happiness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others believe that possessing too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
leads to problems. This essay discusses both these views in detail and arrives a logical conclusion.

Money is definitely required for most material things
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
adequate amount
certainly
leads to contentment. Every product in this world has a price tag associated with it, be it food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, apparel or garment, and in order to acquire it, everyone should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
without sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to lead a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and thereby a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
cannot be happy.
For instance
, the level of satisfaction or happiness of a well-settled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
higher than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
who does a menial job.
Thus
, it is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
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having
sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be happy.

Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
an adequate amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can bring happiness,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
can definitely bring problems. A millionaire is always worried about the safety of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who possess excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
always become the target of robberies, theft, and other crimes.
Moreover
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
the peace in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For instance
, the recent incident of the murder of Rob John, world's 10th richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
by his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
wife for his property
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how the excess
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money
ended his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Therefore
, it cannot go without saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.

Money
certainly
has become the requirement of the day. After discussing the pertinent points related to the issue, I feel that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
logical conclusion is that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can turn out to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
at times, the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
outweigh the situation of lacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for needs.
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IELTS essay Many people think having enough money brings happiness but others think too much money can bring problems.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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