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many people these days change careers throughout their working life.What are the main reasons for it? Do you think that it is good for the society as a whole?

many people these days change careers throughout their working life. What are the main reasons for it? Do you think that it is good for the society as a whole? 7PlmX
In this era of globalization. An array of people switch new jobs because of their working life. Some root stimulating reasons of this inclination and this tendency is a positive progression for the personally and for the society as whole. Initially, the main cause of this problem is technology advancement. It means that, an increasing number of people are stuck behind desk with a heavy workload and they do not earn a good living. Thanks to technology advancement that opens new opportunities for people to earn a good living. It means that, in current times people are able to learn new programs from the online courses and they can choose to start one’s own start up. It is easy to change one career from one to another. According to the survey carried out by sophomore students of Berlin University, in Berlin, 40% of people changed their career and satisfied with working conditions when they learnt new programs from the source of the online course, such as Udemy, Course era and so on. It is undeniable that, It has benefits financially and mentally. Financially, changing one career to another boost the salary package or earning. Mentally impact is that when people accept new responsibilities they become more motivated and energized at work. Consequently, It has impact on personal and society development. It means that, when the society consists of energetic and motivated employees, it might be worthwhile not only economically but also socially. Hence, when people look switch from one career to another, it has an optimistic impact on personally and corporation development. To recapitulate, technology advancement is the main cause of changing career from one position to another. This tendency makes people and society financially and mentally strong.
In this era of globalization. An array of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
switch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their working life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
root stimulating reasons of this inclination and this tendency is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
progression for the
personally
and for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as whole.

Initially
, the main cause of this problem is technology advancement. It means that, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are stuck
behind desk with a heavy
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
workload and
they do not earn a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
living. Thanks to technology advancement that opens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to earn a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
living. It means that, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
programs from the online
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
courses and
they can choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
one’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
up. It is easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
from one to another. According to the survey carried out by sophomore students of Berlin University, in Berlin, 40% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
and satisfied with working conditions when they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
programs from the source of the online course, such as Udemy, Course era and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

It is undeniable that, It has benefits
financially
and mentally.
Financially
, changing one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
to another boost the salary package or earning. Mentally impact is that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
responsibilities they become more motivated and energized at work.
Consequently
, It has impact on personal and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
development. It means that, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
consists of energetic and motivated employees, it might be worthwhile not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
economically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
socially
.
Hence
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look switch from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
to another, it has an optimistic impact on
personally
and corporation development.

To recapitulate, technology advancement is the main cause of changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
from one position to another. This tendency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
financially
and mentally strong.
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IELTS essay many people these days change careers throughout their working life. What are the main reasons for it? Do you think that it is good for the society as a whole?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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