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Cultures all over the world are turning similar. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or negative development? v.2

Cultures all over the world are turning similar. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2
It is universally accepted that cultures and traditions from all around the globe are becoming common in this age and era. I opine that this a positive development and my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs. First and foremost, it is evident that technology is playing a pivotal role in globalization and That is the main cause of cultures turning common in today' s world. People all over the world are connected through the internet and can interact virtually with other cultures and traditions on the touch of a button whenever they want. Previously, this was not the case, to demonstrate, those people who were willing to spend holidays in other countries or some business tourists only get a chance to interact with their cultures and buy their customs as a memory for them. Moreover, the internet is also the fastest way of communication throughout the world and it is often seen that people sending a friend request to foreigners through social media applications and get to know about each other' s culture and customs. It is true that the above-mentioned reasons making the cultures common but I believe that this could be advantageous in numerous ways. Firstly, It brings people closer to each other which can lead to greater harmony across borders to send a message of peace. Secondly, a myriad of business opportunities would be open for the groups who are willing to expand their work worldwide. For instance, Pakistani national dress, shalwar kameez, has been recently bought by several Australians when they visited Pakistan for the holidays which help in generating profits for the shopkeepers. In other words, if cultures are becoming similar, they are uniting humans to work together in different aspects of life. To recapitulate, undoubtedly, cultures and traditions are turning common and the utmost reason is the technology. it brings a plethora plus points in terms of bringing people closer to each other, from a broader perspective.
It is
universally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and traditions from all around the globe are becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
in this age and era. I opine that this a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development and my reasons will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following paragraphs.

First
and foremost, it is evident that technology is playing a pivotal role in globalization and
That is
the main cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
turning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
all over the world
are connected
through the internet and can interact
virtually
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and traditions on the touch of a button whenever they want. Previously, this was not the case, to demonstrate, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were willing to spend holidays in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
business tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to interact with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their customs as a memory for them.
Moreover
, the internet is
also
the fastest way of communication throughout the world and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sending a friend request to foreigners through social media applications and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know about each
Possible spelling mistake found.
other&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and customs.

It is true that the above-mentioned reasons making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that this could be advantageous in numerous ways.
Firstly
, It brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
which can lead to greater harmony across borders to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a message of peace.
Secondly
, a myriad of business opportunities would be open for the groups who are willing to expand their work worldwide.
For instance
, Pakistani national dress, shalwar
Possible spelling mistake found.
kameez
, has been recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by several Australians when they visited Pakistan for the holidays which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in generating profits for the shopkeepers. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
are becoming similar, they are uniting humans to work together in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of life.

To recapitulate,
undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and traditions are turning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
common
and the utmost reason is the technology.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
brings a plethora plus points in terms of bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, from a broader perspective.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Cultures all over the world are turning similar. What are the reasons? Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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