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many people say that in order to keep fit, we should all join the gym while others say exercising in parks and home is better. Discuss both views and say your own opinion.

many people say that in order to keep fit, we should all join the gym while others say exercising in parks and home is better. yxnWl
A group of individuals present the view that the gym is the sole place where people can improve their physical levels, whereas others believe that exercising outdoors or even at home is adequate. I strongly agree with the latter opinion. On the one hand, some people justifiably argue that exercising outside the gym is far less stressed out. It is certainly true that the gym put too much mental pressure on people to look good. For example, a few of my friends, who are overweight, recently joined the gym, but quickly terminated their membership contracts as they felt stressed out. They told me almost everyone there looked lean and self-assured. So the gym can be a threatening environment to those who wish to exercise without feeling self-conscious. Thus joining a gym is not sensible for many people who may be insecure about their weight and appearance. On the other hand, others claim that one needs special exercise machines and state-of-the-art equipment to improve their fitness. They insist that people can not exercise without a personal trainer, available at the gym. However, I do not find this argument convincing since most forms of exercise can be performed in elsewhere too. Jogging which is a recommended exercise by doctors can be done in parks. Also people can use fitness apps, available in google play or app store, to encourage in exercise at home on a regular basis. To conclude, in my view we do not have to join a fitness center for physical development. Some individuals could be demoralized at the gym since they feel the pressure to look attractive. People, instead, can perform a wide variety of exercise routines at home or in the park without bearing undue stress.
A group of individuals
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "presents"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'present' is not always incorrect.)
present
the view that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
is the sole place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their physical levels, whereas others believe that exercising outdoors or even at home is adequate. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter opinion.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
justifiably
argue that exercising outside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
is far less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
out. It is
certainly
true that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
put too much mental pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
For example
, a few of my friends, who are overweight, recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
quickly
terminated their membership contracts as they felt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
out. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me almost everyone there looked lean and self-assured.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
can be a threatening environment to those who wish to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
without feeling self-conscious.
Thus
joining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
is not sensible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who may be insecure about their weight and appearance.

On the other hand
, others claim that one needs special
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
machines and state-of-the-art equipment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their fitness. They insist that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
without a personal trainer, available at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
.
However
, I do not find this argument convincing since most forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
can
be performed
in elsewhere too. Jogging which is a recommended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
by doctors can
be done
in parks.
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
fitness apps, available in google play or app store, to encourage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
at home on a regular basis.

To conclude
, in my view we do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a fitness center for physical development.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals could
be demoralized
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
since they feel the pressure to look attractive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
,
instead
, can perform a wide variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
routines at home or in the park without bearing undue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
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IELTS essay many people say that in order to keep fit, we should all join the gym while others say exercising in parks and home is better.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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