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Many People propose that the major environmental issue of our time is the loss of particular species of flora and fauna, while others argue that there are more crucial issues of the environment

Many People propose that the major environmental issue of our time is the loss of particular species of flora and fauna, while others argue that there are more crucial issues of the environment 5aJme
Many People propose that the major environmental issue of our time is the loss of particular species of flora and fauna, while others argue that there are more crucial issues of the environment. In my opinion, I support the latter idea. On the one hand, it is understandable that why some people believe the main environmental struggle today is the loss of species of plants and animals. Firstly, in the modern area, people destroy a bunch of forests to have more place for agriculture. Consequently, a lot of disasters will happen and the wood for daily life will have a higher cost. For example, In Viet Nam, deforestation is increased rapidly so which lead to a lot of catastrophes like flood or drought. Moreover, wood become extremely rare and the cost of wood is very high so that people must pay a lot of money for wood equipment. Secondly, numerous animals are hunted a lot so that the balance of the natural might be lost. For instance, the skin of tiger is a luxury material to make clothes for wealthier. As a consequence, a range of tigers are also put in danger and will soon become extinct in the near future. On the other hand, there are several reasons why I side with the latter idea. First of all, water contamination is always a crucial issue that need to solve immediately. An illustration of this is that, in Viet Nam, a company which produces motorbikes, discharges a ton of toxic substances into the water, as a consequence, a lot of fish can die and people can not use this water for their daily basic. Furthermore, Air pollution is a problem that a lot of countries are trying to deal with. The atmosphere is contaminated can be a harmful effect on the health of people. For example, Because of the polluted atmosphere so that people who are living in Beijing always bearing with a lot of health struggles and their life expectancy will be lower in the near future. In conclusion, while there are several valid justifications for the main problem of the environment nowadays is loss of species, I believe that several aspects of this view are not quite right and I endorse the idea that there are more important environmental struggles instead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
propose that the major environmental issue of our time is the loss of particular species of flora and fauna, while others argue that there are more crucial issues of the environment. In my opinion, I support the latter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

On the one hand, it is understandable that why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe the main environmental struggle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is the loss of species of plants and animals.
Firstly
, in the modern area,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
a bunch of forests to have more place for agriculture.
Consequently
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of disasters will happen and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wood
for daily life will have a higher cost.
For example
, In
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam, deforestation
is increased
rapidly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
which lead to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of catastrophes like flood or drought.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wood
become
extremely
rare and the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wood
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wood
equipment.
Secondly
, numerous animals
are hunted
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the balance of the natural might
be lost
.
For instance
, the skin of tiger is a luxury material to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
clothes for wealthier. As a consequence, a range of tigers are
also
put in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
and will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
become extinct in the near future.

On the other hand
, there are several reasons why I side with the latter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, water contamination is always a crucial issue that need to solve immediately. An illustration of this is that, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
which produces motorbikes, discharges a ton of toxic substances into the water, as a consequence, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of fish can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this water for their daily basic.
Furthermore
, Air pollution is a problem that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of countries are trying to deal with. The atmosphere
is contaminated
can be a harmful effect on the health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the polluted atmosphere
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are living in Beijing always bearing with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of health struggles and their life expectancy will be lower in the near future.

In conclusion
, while there are several valid justifications for the main problem of the environment nowadays is loss of species, I believe that several aspects of this view are not quite right and I endorse the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
environmental struggles
instead
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IELTS essay Many People propose that the major environmental issue of our time is the loss of particular species of flora and fauna, while others argue that there are more crucial issues of the environment

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
382 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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