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Many people nowadays travel to abroad for their university education. Why do people do this? Would you consider doing this yourself and why? Give reasons and examples.

Many people nowadays travel to abroad for their university education. Why do people do this? Would you consider doing this yourself and why? Give reasons and examples. rk1GN
It is a well-known fact that numerous individuals prefer to pursue their higher education in foreign universities these days. Some of the reasons for this recent development will be scrutinized in this essay along with my point of view that, why I might not consider opting for this option? To commence with, some prominent academic institutions globally provide the opportunities for notorious students to study in their respective premises, if pupils are capable of fulfilling the criteria set to acquire the admission and people often grab this chance as this provides them with an opening to well established universities such as Oxford University, Harvard University and so forth, since they provide the great quality education as well as one get to visit different places, which fascinates a plethora of people. Hence, rather than being provided with limited prospects by studying in local institutions, a trend has been seen youngsters going abroad. Moreover, a plethora of intelligent people, who usually secure good marks in the entrance examinations, also get financial scholarships, which further motivates the youth to take up these offers. However, in my perspective, I would rather choose to study in an institution near to my hometown due to the fact that, I believe, if some person puts significant effort in studies, he/she may get success irrespective of the source from which he/she is acquiring that knowledge. In addition to this, cost of living and education may get very expensive in some nations, particularly European and north American countries because of their higher inflation rates. Furthermore, I have been working on international trading ships, which has provided me with an exposure to various regions across the globe. Consequently, I have travelled a lot and would prefer a local university over some famous institute overseas. To conclude, populace often prefer to study abroad than their own country because of better opportunities, scholarships and chance to live in a different surroundings.
It is a well-known fact that
numerous individuals prefer to pursue their higher education in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
these days.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
reasons for this recent development will
be scrutinized
in this essay along with my point of view that, why I might not consider opting for this option?

To commence with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prominent academic institutions globally provide the opportunities for notorious students to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in their respective premises, if pupils are capable of fulfilling the criteria set to acquire the admission and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
grab this chance as this provides them with an opening to well established
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
such as Oxford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
, Harvard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth, since they provide the great quality education
as well
as one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places, which fascinates a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Hence
,
rather
than
being provided
with limited prospects by studying in local institutions, a trend has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
youngsters going abroad.
Moreover
, a plethora of intelligent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, who
usually
secure
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
marks in the entrance examinations,
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
financial scholarships, which
further
motivates the youth to take up these offers.

However
, in my perspective, I would
rather
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
in an institution near to my hometown due to the fact that, I believe, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
person puts significant effort in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, he/she may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
success irrespective of the source from which he/she is acquiring that knowledge.
In addition
to this, cost of living and education may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations,
particularly
European and
Capitalize specific, well-defined geographical regions: "North American"
north American
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their higher inflation rates.
Furthermore
, I have been working on international trading ships, which has provided me with an exposure to various regions across the globe.
Consequently
, I have travelled a lot and would prefer a local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
institute overseas.

To conclude
, populace
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
Use "(abroad)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
abroad
than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of better opportunities, scholarships and chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "surrounding"?
surroundings
.
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IELTS essay Many people nowadays travel to abroad for their university education. Why do people do this? Would you consider doing this yourself and why? Give reasons and examples.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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