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Technology have developed very fast in the past 100 years. However, some people think that technology progress has brought negative effect on humanity. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Technology have developed very fast in the past 100 years. However, some people think that technology progress has brought negative effect on humanity. v. 1
Many people opine that while human reaps great benefits from the nonstop development of technology, they has also suffer from adverse impacts that accompanied by this. From my point of view, I completely agree with this statement. On the one hand, the advancement of technology has some positive implications on the living standard of human. Thanks to the advances in the automotive technology, the need of manual work has been significantly decreased. To illustrate, many housewives with the assistance of washing machine, dishwasher can cut down household chores and have more quality time with their family members. Furthermore, medical technology innovations allow people to cope well with the adaptability of infectious bacteria, ensure the sustainability of the public health. For example, Chinese scientists now successfully finds out the effective treatment for hog cholera, officially put a stop to the spread of this contagious disease. On the other hand, the continued improvement in the industry of technology has also triggered several outstanding repercussions on the life of human. Firstly, it is true that the environmental issues which directly affects the well-being of human has been exacerbated considerably by the excessive exploitation of energy for technological advancement. For instance, natural resources are on the verge of depletion due to the improper use of these limited resources to satisfy the need of mass manufacturing of scientific products. Second, as time has been spent too much for state-of art devices especially computer- a result of technological development, people now are more susceptible to some health deteriorations such as the loss of vision and obesity. It also gives explanations for why sedentary lifestyle turn to be more prevailing in these days. In conclusion, besides the enormous advantages of the modern technology, this impacts some negative effects on humankind as well.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
reaps great benefits from the nonstop development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "have", "haven"
has
also
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "suffered".
suffer
from adverse impacts that accompanied by this. From my point of view, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

On the one hand, the advancement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
implications on the living standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
. Thanks to the advances in the automotive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the need of manual work has been
significantly
decreased. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
housewives with the assistance of washing machine, dishwasher can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down household chores and have more quality time with their family members.
Furthermore
, medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
innovations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to cope well with the adaptability of infectious bacteria, ensure the sustainability of the public health.
For example
, Chinese scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
successfully
finds out the effective treatment for hog cholera,
officially
put a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to the spread of this contagious disease.

On the other hand
, the continued improvement in the industry of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has
also
triggered several outstanding repercussions on the life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
.
Firstly
, it is true that the environmental issues which
directly
affects the well-being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
has
been exacerbated
considerably
by the excessive exploitation of energy for technological advancement.
For instance
, natural resources are on the verge of depletion due to the improper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these limited resources to satisfy the need of mass manufacturing of scientific products. Second, as time has
been spent
too much for state-of art devices
especially
computer- a result of technological development,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are more susceptible to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health
Possible spelling mistake found.
deteriorations
such as the loss of vision and obesity. It
also
gives explanations for why sedentary lifestyle turn to be more prevailing in these days.

In conclusion
,
besides
the enormous advantages of the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, this impacts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on humankind
as well
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Technology have developed very fast in the past 100 years. However, some people think that technology progress has brought negative effect on humanity. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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