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Many people now do most of their shopping online so they go to the shopping mall for spa,gym,or have a meal with friend,…Someone thinks that this is going to happen more and more in the future

Many people now do most of their shopping online so they go to the shopping mall for spa, gym, or have a meal with friend, …Someone thinks that this is going to happen more and more in the future 7JlNb
Many people now do most of their shopping online so they go to the shopping mall for spa, gym, or have a meal with friend, …Someone thinks that this is going to happen more and more in the future. However, in my opinion, I disagree with people who think the main reason for going to the shopping mall will be for entertainment, not to shop. First of all, when you go to mall to shopping, you can choose exactly what you want to buy because you can try on clothes, get useful advice on products frpm shop assistannts. Besides, the wide range of chosen will make people feel pleasure when they go there and buy things with wider variety of choice and better quality than anywhere else. There are many drawbacks of shopping online, too. You have to wait for delivery for several days and sometimes the goods are not what you want. I often have to return clothes or other items because of the wrong size or colour. On the other hand, some mall now are recreation area for people with ski slopes, minigolf, go –karts, billards, …but it often have too small area so usually very busy at the weekend. For instance, the mall near my home also have a ski slope for young people but our club rarely can ski on it with high speed because there are so many peoples! I’m very disappointed about it. Moreover, in big town, especially in the centre of city, it’s difficult to find a spacious space to located big buildings for outdoor activities. Finally, there is a rising trend that those buildings move to outskirts, separate of mall to have larger space than in mall. I strongly believe that there will always be a place for shopping mall in a mall and peoples is shopping, and the fact that shops and entertainment are under a roof as now and might be continue in the future make sure that them can relate and alive together without the disappear of store or the other one.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
do most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
online
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
for spa, gym, or have a meal with friend, …
Add a space between sentences
Someone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
that this is going to happen more and more in the future.
However
, in my opinion, I disagree with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the main reason for going to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
will be for entertainment, not to shop.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, when you go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, you can choose exactly what you want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you can try on clothes,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
useful advice on products
Possible spelling mistake found.
frpm
shop
Possible spelling mistake found.
assistannts
.
Besides
, the wide range of chosen will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel pleasure when they go there and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things with wider variety of choice and better quality than anywhere else. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
online, too. You
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait for delivery for several days and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are not what you want. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
return clothes or other items
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
size or
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are recreation area for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with ski slopes,
Possible spelling mistake found.
minigolf
, go –karts,
Possible spelling mistake found.
billards
, …
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
Did you mean "has"?
have
too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
usually
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy
The phrase 'at the weekend' is a British English expression, which is used the same way as "on the weekend" in American English.
at the weekend
.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
near my home
also
have a ski slope for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
our club rarely can ski on it with high speed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
! I’m
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
disappointed about it.
Moreover
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
town,
especially
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of city, it’s difficult to find a spacious space to located
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
buildings for outdoor activities.
Finally
, there is a rising trend that those buildings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to outskirts, separate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
to have larger space than in mall.

I
strongly
believe that there will always be a place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, and the fact that shops and entertainment are under a roof as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and might be
Consider using the past participle "continued"?
continue
in the future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that them can relate and alive together without
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'disappear' is correct. If 'disappear' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the disappear
of store or the other one.
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IELTS essay Many people now do most of their shopping online so they go to the shopping mall for spa, gym, or have a meal with friend, …Someone thinks that this is going to happen more and more in the future

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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