Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people move to cities for better opportunities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of life in a big city?

Many people move to cities for better opportunities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of life in a big city? e3M7W
In industrialized society, many rural inhabitants have the intention to migrate to urban areas. I believe that this movement not only gives benefits related to employment and living standard, but it will provide drawbacks such as more pressure or health problems. Firstly, there are many advantages that can be mentioned to migrated people. It is acknowledged that people, especially young residents, can have easier access to employment opportunities because most large-scale companies are developed in cities. Therefore, the industries can provide numerous jobs for citizens as compared to rural areas. Moreover, better living standards are supplied in the metropolitan area. This means that many owners and also the government invest more on infrastructure and health services to city dwellers. It is exemplified that many well-known hospitals are constructed to implement much research and provide the latest medicines in cities. On the other hand, migration also gives people a lot of drawbacks. First, people have to face more pressure to stabilize their financial background. The proliferation of population means more candidates applying to companies, so people have made a huge effort to have ideal jobs. For instance, it is reported that each recruitment of Big4 has over 1000 candidates which creates more competition. Furthermore, overpopulation can lead to an increase of patients in hospitals because of health problems. It is acknowledged that the more individuals, the more private vehicles which are the cause of traffic congestion and air pollution. Therefore, contamination can cause diseases related to the respiratory system such lung cancer or chronic pharyngitis. In conclusion, although I admit that migration to large cities can create more opportunities for employment and living standards, more pressure and health problems are invaluable. Therefore, governments should run campaigns such as creating more jobs in the countryside to balance population in rural and urban areas.
In industrialized society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rural inhabitants have the intention to migrate to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. I believe that this movement not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
gives benefits related to employment and living standard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it will provide drawbacks such as more pressure or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.

Firstly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages that can
be mentioned
to migrated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It
is acknowledged
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
young residents, can have easier access to employment opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most large-scale
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are developed
in cities.
Therefore
, the industries can provide numerous jobs for citizens as compared to rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
Moreover
, better living standards
are supplied
in the metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
. This means that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
owners and
also
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
invest more on infrastructure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
services to city dwellers. It
is exemplified
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
well-known hospitals
are constructed
to implement much research and provide the latest medicines in cities.

On the other hand
, migration
also
gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
drawbacks.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face more pressure to stabilize their financial background. The proliferation of population means more candidates applying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have made a huge effort to have ideal jobs.
For instance
, it
is reported
that each recruitment of Big4 has over 1000 candidates which creates more competition.
Furthermore
, overpopulation can lead to an increase of patients in hospitals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems. It
is acknowledged
that the more individuals, the more private vehicles which are the cause of traffic congestion and air pollution.
Therefore
, contamination can cause diseases related to the respiratory system such lung cancer or chronic pharyngitis.

In conclusion
, although I admit that migration to large cities can create more opportunities for employment and living standards, more pressure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems are invaluable.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should run campaigns such as creating more jobs in the countryside to balance population in rural and urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Many people move to cities for better opportunities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of life in a big city?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts