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Many people maintain that finding a job after high school is the best way to achieve success in work.

Many people maintain that finding a job after high school is the best way to achieve success in work. Kl1y6
Many people maintain that finding a job after high school is the best way to achieve success in work. However, I completely agree that studying further is more essential. On the one hand, the benefits of studying at university should not be overlooked. This is because if students continue studying further, they can gain deeper insights into their favorite career. Young people also have opportunities to learn from well-informed professors and experts in the field. Moreover, teenagers can enhance their abilities because some particular careers such as doctor, lawyer require technical knowledge which can only be learned if one studies at university. Furthermore, in the competitive and demanding job market nowadays, if candidates have required academic qualifications, they can have more advantages than other candidates. On the other hand, starting a job after school provides numerous advantages for young people. Getting a job can help teenagers earn money on order to take care of their family or independently afford for their life. Beside that, young people can early become independent in finance which help them are able to buy a house or get married. Moreover, teenagers have an opportunity to gain experience in their career and learn more practical skills. Although getting a job is beneficial, young people can not know which job is suitable for them and they can be confused about their abilities. Consequently, teenagers can be lost ways and lose their talent. To conclusion, I personally believe that studying further brings young people a lot of advantages which help them get a successful job.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
maintain that finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after high school is the best way to achieve success in work.
However
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
further
is more essential.

On the one hand, the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at university should not
be overlooked
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if students continue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
further
, they can gain deeper insights into their favorite career.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
have opportunities to learn from well-informed professors and experts in the field.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can enhance their abilities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular careers such as doctor, lawyer require technical knowledge which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be learned
if one studies at university.
Furthermore
, in the competitive and demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market nowadays, if candidates have required academic qualifications, they can have more advantages than other candidates.

On the other hand
, starting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
after school provides numerous advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
earn money on order to take care of their family or
independently
afford for their life. Beside that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can early become independent in finance which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
have an opportunity to gain experience in their career and learn more practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Although getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is beneficial,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not know which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is suitable for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
them and
they can
be confused
about their abilities.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can
be lost
ways and lose their talent.

To conclusion, I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
further
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
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IELTS essay Many people maintain that finding a job after high school is the best way to achieve success in work.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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