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Many people have difficulty finding work that they enjoy doing. What are the reasons for this and what can people do to find enjoyable careers?

Many people have difficulty finding work that they enjoy doing. What are the reasons for this and what can people do to find enjoyable careers? q1emD
Nowadays, there is a common sign that more and more worker suffer from depressed and distressed due to the lack of motivation. Employees have a big trouble with finding for themselves occupation which give them job satisfaction. The reasons for this may come from the trend of society. In this essay I will discuss about this phenomenon and consider some solutions. A number of business in the development of society just focus on the profit to survive in competitive world; therefore, administrators or head directors do not really pay attention to the emotion of their employees. In other words, if companies wanted to develop and improve their images, workers of these organizations would be snowed under several deadlines, as well as increased time for works, which leads to the resentment amongst people whether or not there are well-paid jobs. For example, my uncle have been working for an international company for 5 years; however, he has never felt happy with his jobs because of the busy work schedules; he also cannot take care for their family which causes the divorce between he and his wife. Clearly, although my uncle is a high earner, that is not his enjoyable occupation. The solution for this issue may come from the high school, schools should celebrate some extra classes which navigates the right way for student; this would help students to make decisions more accurately and gain enough skills for the adaptation. Some vocational classes have to organize with the purposes of analysing the trend of work and society today so pupils could equip for themselves information, knowledge to find the right fields; not only do that specializations give them a keen sense of enjoyable, but also it have to appropriate with the complicated society. For example, Amsterdam – the most famous school in Hanoi – always invest money to create some classes for last-year students, which help them got a good reputations, the quality of students going from this schools also really high because Ams's pupils know how to choose right professions. In conclusion, numerous people cannot find a preferable job because the competition between a lot of businesses so students need to more appropriate way to adopt with environment. I believe that schools should invest amount of money to guarantee the quality of their students.
Nowadays, there is a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
that more and
Use only "worker" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more worker
suffer from depressed and distressed due to the lack of motivation. Employees have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
trouble with finding for themselves occupation which give them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction. The reasons for this may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. In this essay I will
Did you mean simply "discuss this"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about this
phenomenon and consider
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.

A number of business in the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focus on the profit to survive in competitive world;
therefore
, administrators or head directors do not
really
pay attention to the emotion of their employees.
In other words
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
wanted to develop and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their images, workers of these organizations would
be snowed
under several deadlines,
as well
as increased time for works, which leads to the resentment amongst
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
there are well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For example
, my uncle have been working for an international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for 5 years;
however
, he has never felt happy with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the busy work schedules; he
also
cannot take care for their family which causes the divorce
Incorrect form of the pronoun 'he'. Use: "between him".
between he
and his wife.
Clearly
, although my uncle is a high earner,
that is
not his enjoyable occupation.

The solution for this issue may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from the high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should celebrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra classes which navigates the right way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
; this would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
decisions more
accurately
and gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for the adaptation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
vocational classes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
organize with the purposes of
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the trend of work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
pupils could equip for themselves information, knowledge to find the right fields; not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do that specializations give them a keen sense of enjoyable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
Did you mean "has"?
have
to appropriate with the complicated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
For example
, Amsterdam
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in Hanoi
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
always invest money to create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
classes for last-year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "reputation"?
reputations
, the quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
going from
Did you mean "these"?
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
also
really
high
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ams
's pupils know how to choose right professions.

In conclusion
, numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot find a preferable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the competition between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
businesses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to more appropriate way to adopt with environment. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should invest amount of money to guarantee the quality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
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IELTS essay Many people have difficulty finding work that they enjoy doing. What are the reasons for this and what can people do to find enjoyable careers?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
384 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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