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Successful sports professionals can earn much more money than people in other important jobs. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. v.1

Successful sports professionals can earn much more money than people in other important jobs. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 1
It is a very well known fact that men and women in sports make a considerably high amount of money as compared to people in other professions. While some people believe that this is fair, others feel that it is not justified. This essay agrees with the latter because the professionals in other fields contribute to the society equally. This essay will discuss both the views. Some folks say that the players represent their country at a global forum and when they succeed, they bring pride and prestige to the whole nation. Due to this, they believe that is is completely just for them to have a higher pay scale than people in other areas of livelihood. I disagree with this argument because there are many other jobs at which people's excellent achievements bring honour to the country. For example, Abdul Kalam, a renowned scientist, brought fame to India with his research in the space exploration field. On the contrary, the people who advocate that the workers in enterprises other than sports should be paid similarly say this because although sometimes not as publicized, but these people do a lot of charity work to help the society, while still managing to spend a considerable time at their job. Without the expectation of fame or recognition, these people help grow their communities. Consequently, they directly contribute towards the betterment of their fellow men in their localities. Therefore, I strongly feel that they should be rewarded justly. For example, a recent survey in the Times magazine showed that around 70% of the employees of the autonomous organisations do volunteer work in India as opposed to only 25% of the famous players. In conclusion, while some agree that it is justified for the players to be highly compensated because their accomplishments make the homeland proud, others say that people working in other sectors should also be paid at the similar level as they make an impactful contribution to the well-being of their surroundings. In my opinion, the people in non-sports areas of work should make equal salaries like the sports personnels.
It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well known fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women in sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
considerably
high amount of money as compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
professions. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
, others feel that it is not justified. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the latter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the professionals in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields contribute to the society
equally
. This essay will discuss both the views.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
folks say that the players represent their country at a global forum and when they succeed, they bring pride and prestige to the whole nation. Due to this, they believe that
Possible typo: you repeated a word
is is
completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for them to have a higher pay scale than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas of livelihood. I disagree with this argument
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
jobs at which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's excellent achievements bring
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
to the country.
For example
, Abdul
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalam
, a renowned scientist, brought fame to India with his research in the space exploration field.

On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who advocate that the workers in enterprises
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than sports should
be paid
similarly
say this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
not as publicized,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
charity work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the society, while
still
managing to spend a considerable time at their job. Without the expectation of fame or recognition, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
grow their communities.
Consequently
, they
directly
contribute towards the betterment of their fellow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in their localities.
Therefore
, I
strongly
feel that they should
be rewarded
justly
.
For example
, a recent survey in the Times magazine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that around 70% of the employees of the autonomous
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
do volunteer work in India as opposed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
25% of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
players.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it
is justified
for the players to be
highly
compensated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their accomplishments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the homeland proud, others say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sectors should
also
be paid
at the similar level as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an impactful contribution to the well-being of their surroundings. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in non-sports areas of work should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
equal salaries like the sports
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "personnel", the plural form of the noun 'personnel'?
personnels
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Successful sports professionals can earn much more money than people in other important jobs. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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