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Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this. How can this problem be overcome. v.9

Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this. How can this problem be overcome. v. 9
It is argued that a growing number of workers struggle to have to good work-life balance. This essay will suggest that the principle cause of the problem is overspending and submit financial management as a viable solution, followed by a reasoned conclusion. The main cause of employee not being able to balance work and life is the excessive spending of money on entertainment goods. The majority of people in the world today spend most of their salaries for leisure and extravagances, such as concert performances, and refer to these activities as an ubiquitous part of modern-life. If this is done continually, it will result in overtime work to cover all the cost and fulfilling daily needs. For example, a recent study by MIT shows that 10 out of 15 US citizens spend 64% of their budgets on recreational activities, mostly on movie tickets and musical concerts. Moreover, when 100 of them were interviewed, they admitted to have struggled balancing expenditures and incomes, therefore had to work long hours including on weekends. The most practical solution to this problem is to encourage financial organization, particularly on expenses. This will help workers to record how much they spend and warn them every time a specific limit is reached as well as which sectors they deplete in the most so that overspending can be avoided. For instance, a survey conducted by TapCash, a commercial company specializing in financial managing, shows 87% of its audiences feel helped by the app on balancing their cash and although hesitant at first, have gradually reduced their work hours. In conclusion, this essay suggests that high expense for recreational purposes contributed mainly to the imbalance work and life issue. This can be tackled by setting management for finance to record spending so that excessive spend can be curbed.
It
is argued
that a growing number of workers struggle to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
work-life balance. This essay will suggest that the
Did you mean "principal" (=main)?
principle
cause of the problem is overspending and submit financial management as a viable solution, followed by a reasoned conclusion.

The main cause of employee not being able to balance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and life is the excessive spending of money on entertainment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. The majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of their salaries for leisure and extravagances, such as concert performances, and refer to these activities as
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
ubiquitous part of modern-life. If this
is done
continually
, it will result in overtime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to cover all the cost and fulfilling daily needs.
For example
, a recent study by MIT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 10 out of 15 US citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
64% of their budgets on recreational activities,
mostly
on movie tickets and musical concerts.
Moreover
, when 100 of them
were interviewed
, they
The verb 'admitted' is used with the gerund form: "admitted having".
admitted to have
struggled
If 'struggled' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to balance".
balancing
expenditures and incomes,
therefore
had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
long hours including on weekends.

The most practical solution to this problem is to encourage financial organization,
particularly
on expenses. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
workers to record how much they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
and warn them every time a specific limit
is reached
as well
as which sectors they deplete in the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that overspending can
be avoided
.
For instance
, a survey conducted by
Possible spelling mistake found.
TapCash
, a commercial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
specializing in financial managing,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
87% of its audiences feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
by the app on balancing their cash and although hesitant at
first
, have
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours.

In conclusion
, this essay suggests that high expense for recreational purposes contributed
mainly
to the imbalance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and life issue. This can
be tackled
by setting management for finance to record spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
can
be curbed
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this. How can this problem be overcome. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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