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Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be overcome? v.11

Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be overcome? v. 11
Numerous individuals find it difficult to maintain work and personal life balance. This essay will discuss about the causes of imbalance in work-life equation and propose possible solutions to this. With regards to the cardinal factors for no work-life balance, an important one to consider is the substantial increase in work pressure. This is because of majority of organizations becoming professional service providers, delivering promised projects to the clients before the deadline has become crux of the business. For instance, during the last quarter of financial year end, every employee will be involved in filing tax returns for various clients across the globe by working extra hours, which reduces his family or personal time. To combat this problem, employee should learn the trait of professionalism; this will help them to differentiate work and personal life which are equally important. As a result, there will be better equation between occupation and personal life. Another vital cause for work-life imbalance is the increasing trend of nuclear families. Although such families are convenient to maintain, they reduce the family bonding with parents and other close relatives. In contrast, in the past, the joint-family culture prevailed, which demanded attention from working individuals in the family. This culture is missing in modern day life. The issue can be arrested by having a holiday trip with entire family. Accordingly, it will deviate the employee from work, leave him with good memories, and the professional will be rejuvenated to resume work. In conclusion, the reasons of high work pressure and smaller modern families are resulting in imbalance between work and personal life. However, with mastering the art of professionalism and taking time-off to spend with family will help to mitigate the problem.
Numerous individuals find it difficult to maintain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
causes of imbalance in work-life equation and propose possible solutions to this.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the cardinal factors for no work-life balance, an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
one to consider is the substantial increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
organizations becoming professional service providers, delivering promised projects to the clients
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the deadline has become crux of the business.
For instance
, during the last quarter of financial year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, every employee will
be involved
in filing tax returns for various clients across the globe by working extra hours, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
time. To combat this problem, employee should learn the trait of professionalism; this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to differentiate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
As a result
, there will be better equation between occupation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
life.

Another vital cause for work-life imbalance is the increasing trend of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. Although such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are convenient to maintain, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding with parents and other close relatives.
In contrast
, in the past, the joint-family culture prevailed, which demanded attention from working individuals in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This culture is missing in modern day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The issue can
be arrested
by having a holiday trip with entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
Accordingly
, it will deviate the employee from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
him with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
memories, and the professional will
be rejuvenated
to resume work.

In conclusion
, the reasons of high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure and smaller modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are resulting in imbalance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, with mastering the art of professionalism and taking time-off to spend with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to mitigate the problem.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be overcome? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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