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Many people feel that zoos are beneficial for animals. Others feel that the animals should be free. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people feel that zoos are beneficial for animals. Others feel that the animals should be free. r8Dk2
Nowadays, there are many kinds of animals on the earth, and many are considered to be rare. Mostly all animals live in the jungle, but people have created zoos and caged them to grab their freedom away. Many people are opposed to keeping animals in zoos, while other sets of people feel they should encourage the zoos. In my opinions, both statements have their own advantages that we will further discuss, but my desire is against the zoo concept. On one site of the argument, some people prefer not to keep animals caged, because it makes it difficult for these animals to adapt. However, the zoos authority will seek to provide natural habitat for the animal in particular, but they will be limited to a restricted area, which in turn will make setting in the new environment troublesome. In addition, they are kept alone in a cage that can make them feel lonely. Any of the above mentioned, causes can lead to an animal's death. In addition, impounding these animals can lead to the suppression of their natural hunting instincts. On the other side of this issue, zoos will benefit with a variety of reasons. First of all, zoos are the type of an educational centre. Since these zoos provide the children with talks or even interactions with the animals, it is the avenue for them to learn in details about a particular animal during that session. Secondly, people visit the zoos so that they can have a closer look at animals as it won't be possible to go into the forest to see them. For example, in the London zoos, we can have a closer look at the penguins and be able to attend to show to learn more about them. In conclusion, having a zoo gives several positive effects for people, but it does not do any good for animals. So, they should be living in their natural home.
Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
on the earth, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are considered
to be rare.
Mostly
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the jungle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have created zoos and caged them to grab their freedom away.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are opposed
to keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in zoos, while other sets of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel they should encourage the zoos. In my opinions, both statements have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages that we will
further
discuss,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my desire is against the zoo concept.

On one site of the argument,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
caged,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to adapt.
However
, the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "zoos'" or "zoo's"?
zoos
authority will seek to provide natural habitat for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
in particular
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they will
be limited
to a restricted area, which in turn will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
setting in the new environment troublesome.
In addition
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
alone in a cage that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel lonely. Any of the above mentioned, causes can lead to an animal's death.
In addition
, impounding these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
can lead to the suppression of their natural hunting instincts.

On the other side of this issue, zoos will benefit with a variety of reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, zoos are the
If 'type' is a classification term, 'an' is not necessary. Use "type of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
type of an
educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. Since these zoos provide the children with talks or even interactions with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, it is the avenue for them to learn in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
during that session.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit the zoos
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can have a closer look at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as it won't be possible to go into the forest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them.
For example
, in the London zoos, we can have a closer look at the penguins and be able to attend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
to learn more about them.

In conclusion
, having a zoo gives several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does not do any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they should be living in their natural home.

IELTS essay Many people feel that zoos are beneficial for animals. Others feel that the animals should be free.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
8.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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