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Many people feel that all children should be immunized against childhood diseases in order to control these diseases. Some people, however, feel that they should be given a choice of whether or not to immunize their children. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Many people feel that all children should be immunized against childhood diseases in order to control these diseases. Some people, however, feel that they should be given a choice of whether or not to immunize their children. Gw0xg
Child health consists of many different aspects that need attention from all parents all over the world, one of which is immunization. Although some people believe that vaccinations should be treated as a choice of parents, others think that it is compulsory for all children. In my opinion, I totally agree that childhood immunizations should be mandatory due to its helpfulness of creating a stronger immune system and a healthier society for children. To begin with, a tougher immune system to fight against childhood diseases is what all parents desire for their children to have, which is why vaccines are made for. In other words, pupils are often sensitive to some common diseases such as chickenpox, measles, influenza and so on; therefore, compulsory immunizations would serve as a proper way to prevent children from catching those mentioned diseases. Furthermore, this would contribute to a healthier school environment because all the children are vaccinated. For instance, if a child who had chickenpox, one of the easy-to-spread illness, went to school, other children would be immunized if they were all vaccinated before and parents would not be worried about the situation. On the other hand, concern about whether or not the vaccines would fully prevent the disease has been a drawback that parents may take into consideration. To put it differently, people are concerning about the credibility of vaccines due to rumors about pharmaceutical companies hiding the possibilities of getting the disease even after being vaccinated. Thus, this would be why parents believe they should decide the necessity of having their children immunized. However, this is a misconception of childhood immunizations because scientists have pointed out that vaccines need a certain amount of time to be effective, so it is still possible to get the disease. In conclusion, I am certain that it is essential to immunize the children because I strongly believe that vaccines would provide not only a stronger immune system for children themselves but also a healthier school environment.
Child health consists of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects that need attention from all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
all over the world, one of which is immunization. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that vaccinations should
be treated
as a choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is compulsory for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that childhood immunizations should be mandatory due to its helpfulness of creating a stronger immune system and a healthier society for children.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a tougher immune system to fight against childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
is what all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
desire for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have, which is why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
are made
for. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, pupils are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
sensitive to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
such as chickenpox, measles, influenza and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on;
therefore
, compulsory immunizations would serve as a proper way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from catching those mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
Furthermore
, this would contribute to a healthier school environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are vaccinated
.
For instance
, if a child who had chickenpox, one of the easy-to-spread illness, went to school,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
be immunized
if they were all vaccinated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would not
be worried
about the situation.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, concern about
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
would
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
has been a drawback that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may take into consideration. To put it
differently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
The verb 'concerning' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are concerning
about the credibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
due to rumors about pharmaceutical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
hiding the possibilities of getting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
even after
being vaccinated
.
Thus
, this would be why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe they should decide the necessity of having their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
immunized.
However
, this is a misconception of childhood immunizations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
scientists have pointed out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
need a certain amount of time to be effective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
still
possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the disease.

In conclusion
, I am certain that it is essential to immunize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vaccines
would provide not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a stronger immune system for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a healthier school environment.
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IELTS essay Many people feel that all children should be immunized against childhood diseases in order to control these diseases. Some people, however, feel that they should be given a choice of whether or not to immunize their children.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
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  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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