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Many people expect that the proportion of old people will be more than the young people in future. Do you think it is positive or negative?

Many people expect that the proportion of old people will be more than the young people in future. Do you think it is positive or negative? r8GO2
There are more young people than elderly people in our society at present. However, many people expect the proportion of old people to be more than young people in the future. This essay will discuss why having more elderly people than young ones in the future is a disadvantage. The world’s current census says that 40 percent of the worlds population are over 60 years old. People in this age bracket are termed old. There are benefits to having this set of people in our society. The most important benefit they bring is their experience in various facets of life. Having more old people in society will bring about a more informed and knowledgeable society. This will impact positively on societal activities such as elections and in educational institutions. For example in the last elections held, the proportion of youths who had voters cards were less than older people. However, the disadvantages of having more old people than young ones outweigh the advantages. Firstly, the society will become a dependent society. This will put a lot of stress in the economy. Since more jobs are tailored for younger people, there will be less indivisuals to fill such roles. At the same time the government will have to pay more pensions. For example, the total budget for pensions in the year 2019 was more than half the total salaries paid to government workers in that same year. In conclusion, having an experienced and knowledgeable society in form of old people is a good thing. However, the disadvantage of having a dependent society outweighs such benefits.
There are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
at present.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the future. This essay will discuss why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones in the future is a disadvantage.

The world’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
census says that 40 percent of the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "worlds'" or "world's"?
worlds
population are over 60 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in this age bracket
are termed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
. There are benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
this set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefit they bring is their experience in various facets of life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will bring about a more informed and knowledgeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This will impact
positively
on societal activities such as elections and in educational institutions.
For example
in the last elections held, the proportion of youths who had voters cards were less than older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, the disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones outweigh the advantages.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will become a dependent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. This will put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in the economy. Since more jobs
are tailored
for younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there will be less
Possible spelling mistake found.
indivisuals
to fill such roles. At the same time the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay more pensions.
For example
, the total budget for pensions in the year 2019 was more than half the total salaries paid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
workers in that same year.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
an experienced and knowledgeable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing.
However
, the disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a dependent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
outweighs such benefits.
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IELTS essay Many people expect that the proportion of old people will be more than the young people in future. Do you think it is positive or negative?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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