Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people enjoy watching or playing sports. Why do you think sports are important to people?

Many people enjoy watching or playing sports. Why do you think sports are important to people? PEe7J
Sports are the important things to people’s mental health, so many people really like watching or playing sports. I strongly believe that sport is a special way to improve our health and can bring people all around the world together. First of all, playing sports can help us release energy, improve our health and raise our fitness level. Not only the young but also the old must do some types of sports to keep their mental health well. When we play sports, muscles are relaxed, and the blood will circulate in our bodies. As a consequence, we can reduce some types of illnesses, like heart attack, diabetes, rheumatism, etc. In addition, sport spirit is also necessary for our world. Sports competitions can make us more understand the importance of our health. If you do not have good health, you cannot archive your goals in the world arena. For instance, in football competitions, both two teams can have specific skills, but the team that has better fitness will have more chance to win than the other. Furthermore, sport is one of the ways that can bring us together. From the children to their parents, from the students in the same school, or even from the people that came from different countries, sports can help us understanding, teach us how to sympathize and share with other people. There are not many things that can do that, but sports can. That is why we have international sports competitions regularly. In conclusion, people nowadays should learn how to play sports to improve their health and also, help them more understand each other. I consider the necessity of the spirited sport in people’s minds because it not only makes us improve our health but also can bring us together.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
really
like watching or playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is a special way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and can bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the world together.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us release energy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and raise our fitness level. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the young
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
well. When we play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, muscles
are relaxed
, and the blood will circulate in our bodies. As a consequence, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of illnesses, like heart attack, diabetes, rheumatism, etc.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
spirit is
also
necessary for our world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
competitions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us more understand the importance of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. If you do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, you cannot archive your goals in the world arena.
For instance
, in football competitions, both two teams can have specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the team that has better fitness will have more chance to win than the other.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is one of the ways that can bring us together. From the children to their parents, from the students in the same school, or even from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that came from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us
The verb ',' is used with an infinitive: "to understand" or "understand".
understanding
, teach us how to sympathize and share with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. There are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that can do that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can.
That is
why we have international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitions
regularly
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays should learn how to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them more understand each other. I consider the necessity of the spirited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
minds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can bring us together.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay Many people enjoy watching or playing sports. Why do you think sports are important to people?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts